That is exactly how am I feeling right now.. I can't explain why but that is just the way it is..
At this point of time, my value is like close to zero. Ppl come to you only when they need something or someone to fill up their time. Is that my approach too?
Squat to a corner and nurse ur wound,
As no one is interested to hear u hound,
Don't be a nuisance and hang around,
Instead go to a beggar and give a pound.
Sunday, November 26, 2006
Monday, November 20, 2006
Inspiringly Boring..
Time left till the attachments-that-I'm-so-looking-forward-to-coz-it's-just-plain-boring: 2 weeks. Meanwhile, I knew that when the time come I'll be dying for a holiday. It's just a vicious cycle.
LSCN (Life Support Courses for Nurses) was just pure stress and tiredness. They were trying to tube feed us with information 24/7. But still, with 50% of luck + 30% money-mindedness (coz it's said that with the license, the salary is higher) + 20% of brain work, I passed the course.
On the other hand, results should be coming out soon. maybe in a week or so.
This sem, one eye open one eye close bah. The more I think bout it, the more creases on my forehead is forming.
Last week went Batam to join Gin and family. It's nice of them to ask me along, or rather someone *erhem, u know who* insisted that I must go. It's a nice place, not too bad. Shopping is cheap compare to here but unfortunately nothing suits me. Had a spa. My scapula almost dropped off after 2 days of massage. Maybe due to my bigger physique, they thought that they have to apply more strength in order to achieve the same effect as in normal person.
"Step Up" is a good movie. Something different, not your regular mind blowing heart throbbing face hiding movie. It's bout dancing. When I watched it, I feel like dancing too esp towards the end of the show. I rate it 3.5/5.
I miss reading books. Anybody have any good books to recommend?
If u just happen to pass by a bookstore and u just happen to see "Memphisto Club" by Tess Gerritsen, can u just pls be kindly to tell me where u saw the book asap? Then I can run down and buy. Thank u.
Awfully boring entry. I know.
LSCN (Life Support Courses for Nurses) was just pure stress and tiredness. They were trying to tube feed us with information 24/7. But still, with 50% of luck + 30% money-mindedness (coz it's said that with the license, the salary is higher) + 20% of brain work, I passed the course.
On the other hand, results should be coming out soon. maybe in a week or so.
This sem, one eye open one eye close bah. The more I think bout it, the more creases on my forehead is forming.
Last week went Batam to join Gin and family. It's nice of them to ask me along, or rather someone *erhem, u know who* insisted that I must go. It's a nice place, not too bad. Shopping is cheap compare to here but unfortunately nothing suits me. Had a spa. My scapula almost dropped off after 2 days of massage. Maybe due to my bigger physique, they thought that they have to apply more strength in order to achieve the same effect as in normal person.
"Step Up" is a good movie. Something different, not your regular mind blowing heart throbbing face hiding movie. It's bout dancing. When I watched it, I feel like dancing too esp towards the end of the show. I rate it 3.5/5.
I miss reading books. Anybody have any good books to recommend?
If u just happen to pass by a bookstore and u just happen to see "Memphisto Club" by Tess Gerritsen, can u just pls be kindly to tell me where u saw the book asap? Then I can run down and buy. Thank u.
Awfully boring entry. I know.
Monday, November 06, 2006
2 Decades in this world...
20 yrs into this world and I has a story to tell, a story that I think I should embrace the moral from today onwards..
There was once an angel. She likes to help ppl, to make their life more satistfied. She'll do everything she can in order to help all these ppl to lead a happy life. So, one day she came across a poet. A successful, rich, handsome poet who have a beautiful, perfect wife. The poet ask for blessings from the angel coz he is not happy with his already perfect life. But angel granted him nothing, instead took away his everything. One month later, the angel visited the poet and guess what? The poet is now leading a pathetic, miserable life. In the end, angel gave him back his everything and he is contented, satisfied and live happily ever after.
Many a times, we taken for granted what we have in our life. Happiness is always equivalent to the materials we own, the more the merrier and hence the neverending attempt to pursue more and more. But in the end when you have it all, do you really feel happy? To define "have it all" in the first place is a difficult task, coz I bet rarely do we have the moment of "have it all". Always there is something on the wishlist waiting to be stricken off, always there is a thing that must be buy. Happiness is not just a mere "what we have" in life but rather it's what we don't have. Be happy coz u dun have a chronic illness that loom over your head everyday. Be happy coz u r not living in a nerve-wrecking war country. Be happy coz u dun have to live on the street.
"I don't have to live on the street" versus "I am living in a high rise apartment". It's different, major difference.
Happy 20th Birthday, Mel!
There was once an angel. She likes to help ppl, to make their life more satistfied. She'll do everything she can in order to help all these ppl to lead a happy life. So, one day she came across a poet. A successful, rich, handsome poet who have a beautiful, perfect wife. The poet ask for blessings from the angel coz he is not happy with his already perfect life. But angel granted him nothing, instead took away his everything. One month later, the angel visited the poet and guess what? The poet is now leading a pathetic, miserable life. In the end, angel gave him back his everything and he is contented, satisfied and live happily ever after.
Many a times, we taken for granted what we have in our life. Happiness is always equivalent to the materials we own, the more the merrier and hence the neverending attempt to pursue more and more. But in the end when you have it all, do you really feel happy? To define "have it all" in the first place is a difficult task, coz I bet rarely do we have the moment of "have it all". Always there is something on the wishlist waiting to be stricken off, always there is a thing that must be buy. Happiness is not just a mere "what we have" in life but rather it's what we don't have. Be happy coz u dun have a chronic illness that loom over your head everyday. Be happy coz u r not living in a nerve-wrecking war country. Be happy coz u dun have to live on the street.
"I don't have to live on the street" versus "I am living in a high rise apartment". It's different, major difference.
Happy 20th Birthday, Mel!
Monday, October 23, 2006
Failure?
So, first paper is coming up in 4 days. But, I'm so lazy to study. Always a reason, an excuse to procastinate. My bro came into my room just now.. and ask me whether have I ever experienced failure such as fail in exam etc. It's funny though, coz siblings for years, we rarely have this kind of conversation.. coz I'm not a very emotionally verbal kind of person. Anyway, I made me think.. Have I ever experience failure? Academically wise, it's a frightening no. Not exam, test yes.. plenty (esp those bloody add maths). Thought of that, thought of the progress I am studying.. In fact, I'm a bit worried now..
If I ever fail, I will have a hunch that I will have a hard time to stand up again..
Laugh at me, but I am that silly..
I am that afraid of failures..
And I am getting tired of trying to strive..
U say, it's ok.. as long as you did your best
I say, it's not ok.. how then I know whether I did my best?
Ok.. study smart not hard!
Wish me luck, I need plenty..
If I ever fail, I will have a hunch that I will have a hard time to stand up again..
Laugh at me, but I am that silly..
I am that afraid of failures..
And I am getting tired of trying to strive..
U say, it's ok.. as long as you did your best
I say, it's not ok.. how then I know whether I did my best?
Ok.. study smart not hard!
Wish me luck, I need plenty..
Friday, September 29, 2006
Meaning of Life
Damn blogspot. Just to make an entry, I have to refresh the thing for like 3 times and load forever..
Sigh~
Anyway, there's a lot of things to be said.. But I don't know how to put in proper words.. So, here goes..
I kind of like feel that I lost the "meaning" in my life.. Don't worry ppl, I am not depressed or suicidal.
Just that I find that it's very meaningless.
The cycle of my life - Wake up, attend lesson, home, online, play audition, sleep, study(rarely)
I'm getting tired. Tired of the cycle.
Tired of those presentations, eventhough left 1.
Tired of those expectations.
At times I just feel like squatting down and cry and cry and cry.
So much for being a cheerful person or maybe that's what I perceive from others "feedback".
I want to be the weak one. I want to follow others footstep.
I want ppl to teach me. I need guidance.
Tell me, ppl.. How to continue to walk when I'm dragging my feet?
When I felt that my shoulder is so heavy that I can barely move?
When I just want to stop, lie down and stare at the sky?
Sigh~ The biggest challenge is yet to come. Exam in less than a month.
I wish I can just say I don't care, nvm, it's ok just to pass.. but I can't..
Perhaps the biggest challenge here is my pride, my expectations of myself..
I'm afraid of losing. I'm too afraid of getting hurt.
Yes, I finally admit it.. The bottomline is I'm too afraid of getting hurt. To let my pride exposed to the wound and salt.
Everytime I smelled something fishy, I will retreat right away. This applies more to relationship with others.
I hope I can talk myself out of this misery this time. It works everytime.
The longest I ever slumped into misery is 2 days and practically drag my day through.
While I was taking bus on that fateful day, it just snapped to me - "Hey, look.. u r not gonna spend ur day like that anymore and u must take up the challenge."
That happened 1-2 month ago when I have 3 presentations within 2 weeks and other presentations going on at full swing plus some personal conflict at "sg home". <-- to prevent the conflict from happening again, the 4 walls in my room becomes my good friend.
Hai~ I think one day I am going to get mental illness.
Sigh~
Anyway, there's a lot of things to be said.. But I don't know how to put in proper words.. So, here goes..
I kind of like feel that I lost the "meaning" in my life.. Don't worry ppl, I am not depressed or suicidal.
Just that I find that it's very meaningless.
The cycle of my life - Wake up, attend lesson, home, online, play audition, sleep, study(rarely)
I'm getting tired. Tired of the cycle.
Tired of those presentations, eventhough left 1.
Tired of those expectations.
At times I just feel like squatting down and cry and cry and cry.
So much for being a cheerful person or maybe that's what I perceive from others "feedback".
I want to be the weak one. I want to follow others footstep.
I want ppl to teach me. I need guidance.
Tell me, ppl.. How to continue to walk when I'm dragging my feet?
When I felt that my shoulder is so heavy that I can barely move?
When I just want to stop, lie down and stare at the sky?
Sigh~ The biggest challenge is yet to come. Exam in less than a month.
I wish I can just say I don't care, nvm, it's ok just to pass.. but I can't..
Perhaps the biggest challenge here is my pride, my expectations of myself..
I'm afraid of losing. I'm too afraid of getting hurt.
Yes, I finally admit it.. The bottomline is I'm too afraid of getting hurt. To let my pride exposed to the wound and salt.
Everytime I smelled something fishy, I will retreat right away. This applies more to relationship with others.
I hope I can talk myself out of this misery this time. It works everytime.
The longest I ever slumped into misery is 2 days and practically drag my day through.
While I was taking bus on that fateful day, it just snapped to me - "Hey, look.. u r not gonna spend ur day like that anymore and u must take up the challenge."
That happened 1-2 month ago when I have 3 presentations within 2 weeks and other presentations going on at full swing plus some personal conflict at "sg home". <-- to prevent the conflict from happening again, the 4 walls in my room becomes my good friend.
Hai~ I think one day I am going to get mental illness.
Meaning of Life
Damn blogspot. Just to make an entry, I have to refresh the thing for like 3 times and load forever..
Sigh~
Anyway, there's a lot of things to be said.. But I don't know how to put in proper words.. So, here goes..
I kind of like feel that I lost the "meaning" in my life.. Don't worry ppl, I am not depressed or rather suicidal.
Just that I find that it's very meaningless.
The cycle of my life - Wake up, attend lesson, home, online, play audition, sleep, study(rarely)
I'm getting tired. Tired of the cycle.
Tired of those presentations, eventhough left 1.
Tired of those expectations.
At times I just feel like squatting down and cry and cry and cry.
So much for being a cheerful person or maybe that's what I perceive from others "feedback".
I want to be the weak one. I want to follow others footstep.
I want ppl to teach me. I need guidance.
Tell me, ppl.. How to continue to walk when I'm dragging my feet?
When I felt that my shoulder is so heavy that I can barely move?
When I just want to stop, lie down and stare at the sky?
Sigh~ The biggest challenge is yet to come. Exam in less than a month.
I wish I can just say I don't care, nvm, it's ok just to pass.. but I can't..
Perhaps the biggest challenge here is my pride, my expectations of myself..
I'm afraid of losing. I'm too afraid of getting hurt.
Yes, I finally admit it.. The bottomline is I'm too afraid of getting hurt. To let my pride exposed to the wound and salt.
Everytime I smelled something fishy, I will retreat right away. This applies more to relationship with others.
I hope I can talk myself out of this misery this time. It works everytime.
The longest I ever slumped into misery is 2 days and practically drag my day through.
While I was taking bus on that fateful day, it just snapped to me - "Hey, look.. u r not gonna spend ur day like that anymore and u must take up the challenge."
That happened 1-2 month ago when I have 3 presentations within 2 weeks and other presentations going on at full swing plus some personal conflict at "sg home". <-- to prevent the conflict from happening again, the 4 walls in my room becomes my good friend.
Hai~ I think one day I am going to get mental illness.
Sigh~
Anyway, there's a lot of things to be said.. But I don't know how to put in proper words.. So, here goes..
I kind of like feel that I lost the "meaning" in my life.. Don't worry ppl, I am not depressed or rather suicidal.
Just that I find that it's very meaningless.
The cycle of my life - Wake up, attend lesson, home, online, play audition, sleep, study(rarely)
I'm getting tired. Tired of the cycle.
Tired of those presentations, eventhough left 1.
Tired of those expectations.
At times I just feel like squatting down and cry and cry and cry.
So much for being a cheerful person or maybe that's what I perceive from others "feedback".
I want to be the weak one. I want to follow others footstep.
I want ppl to teach me. I need guidance.
Tell me, ppl.. How to continue to walk when I'm dragging my feet?
When I felt that my shoulder is so heavy that I can barely move?
When I just want to stop, lie down and stare at the sky?
Sigh~ The biggest challenge is yet to come. Exam in less than a month.
I wish I can just say I don't care, nvm, it's ok just to pass.. but I can't..
Perhaps the biggest challenge here is my pride, my expectations of myself..
I'm afraid of losing. I'm too afraid of getting hurt.
Yes, I finally admit it.. The bottomline is I'm too afraid of getting hurt. To let my pride exposed to the wound and salt.
Everytime I smelled something fishy, I will retreat right away. This applies more to relationship with others.
I hope I can talk myself out of this misery this time. It works everytime.
The longest I ever slumped into misery is 2 days and practically drag my day through.
While I was taking bus on that fateful day, it just snapped to me - "Hey, look.. u r not gonna spend ur day like that anymore and u must take up the challenge."
That happened 1-2 month ago when I have 3 presentations within 2 weeks and other presentations going on at full swing plus some personal conflict at "sg home". <-- to prevent the conflict from happening again, the 4 walls in my room becomes my good friend.
Hai~ I think one day I am going to get mental illness.
Monday, September 11, 2006
11.37am
This is the time when I started this entry in e-lab.
My, oh my.. How time flies..
Break week came and gone, with my realization but nothing done.
Back to school, everything is not the same..
Or so it seems to me.. One word to describe - SIAN <-- CH's fave word
When was the last time we actually went out together? I can't remember...
Today is 911. The day that tragic strucked and changes the world forever.
And again, nothing will ever be the same again..
Changes is something I can't seems to keep up with nowadays..
11.45am
15 mins till 2 hour lab lessons.
My, oh my.. How time flies..
Break week came and gone, with my realization but nothing done.
Back to school, everything is not the same..
Or so it seems to me.. One word to describe - SIAN <-- CH's fave word
When was the last time we actually went out together? I can't remember...
Today is 911. The day that tragic strucked and changes the world forever.
And again, nothing will ever be the same again..
Changes is something I can't seems to keep up with nowadays..
11.45am
15 mins till 2 hour lab lessons.
Thursday, September 07, 2006
Without realizing it...
It has been more than month since I last blog.
The workload in school manage to cut me off from the outside world.
What use to be a daily chat with Jacz has since become a fortnightly chat.
What use to be a weekly CSI.. err.. when was the last time I watched?
In this one month plus, I finished 4 presentation (including today)..
I shall described this period of time as waves.. one after another... End of this sem exam will be the tsunami..
To be continue.. (too tired)
The workload in school manage to cut me off from the outside world.
What use to be a daily chat with Jacz has since become a fortnightly chat.
What use to be a weekly CSI.. err.. when was the last time I watched?
In this one month plus, I finished 4 presentation (including today)..
I shall described this period of time as waves.. one after another... End of this sem exam will be the tsunami..
To be continue.. (too tired)
Sunday, July 30, 2006
Empty Fuel
The entire last week was quite a horrible week - Started horribly, ended horribly.
Sch as usual was busy. Busy catching up research, doing stuff that I should've done weeks ago and the peak of the week was of course the NAPFA. Horrible~ Horrible...
But nevertheless, I appreciate all the encouragement from u all (u know who u r) and also the good hearted girl who came to motivate me during my 2.4 km (6 laps of those standard track). Eventhough I finished last, yes I finished last dammit, but I'm still happy... coz i finished 6 laps in 20 mins. This is my second time that I managed to finish 6 laps.. previously I gave up at 3rd and 4th round.
I know I know... your eyes must be popping out and mouth gaping open now.. coz I hated doing physical stuff all along especially those that will make me sweat. I loves swimming coz I can't "feel" the sweat.
Anyway, I broke all my personal records for the 6 items.
The aftermath of NAPFA? Thigh muscles ache till I can't walk up and down stairs. Like an robotic old woman. Then yesterday, I feel dizzy whenever I move like getting out of the bed, turning my head etc etc. Today I feel better but still dizzy occasionally.
The worst thing? I can't + no mood to study for the theory test of clinical lab tmr. I think I will faint.
So tired. Looking forward to the one week break and hopefully to have a little getaway. Some island maybe? I don't want to stay at home..
Sch as usual was busy. Busy catching up research, doing stuff that I should've done weeks ago and the peak of the week was of course the NAPFA. Horrible~ Horrible...
But nevertheless, I appreciate all the encouragement from u all (u know who u r) and also the good hearted girl who came to motivate me during my 2.4 km (6 laps of those standard track). Eventhough I finished last, yes I finished last dammit, but I'm still happy... coz i finished 6 laps in 20 mins. This is my second time that I managed to finish 6 laps.. previously I gave up at 3rd and 4th round.
I know I know... your eyes must be popping out and mouth gaping open now.. coz I hated doing physical stuff all along especially those that will make me sweat. I loves swimming coz I can't "feel" the sweat.
Anyway, I broke all my personal records for the 6 items.
The aftermath of NAPFA? Thigh muscles ache till I can't walk up and down stairs. Like an robotic old woman. Then yesterday, I feel dizzy whenever I move like getting out of the bed, turning my head etc etc. Today I feel better but still dizzy occasionally.
The worst thing? I can't + no mood to study for the theory test of clinical lab tmr. I think I will faint.
So tired. Looking forward to the one week break and hopefully to have a little getaway. Some island maybe? I don't want to stay at home..
Saturday, July 22, 2006
Growing up
Today I went for the food trail again. Not too boring, Not too fun either. But definitely burned me out.
Yesterday, I joined the grp for some running and practice for the upcoming napfa.
I sucks at running. My heart and lungs just couldn't take it <--- need plenty of practice, see?
Hopefully there will be some more time to build up the stamina and strength.
I must do it~
Politics interest me. I hope to get to know ppl of my age who have their own thoughts of politics.
I realised that I'm not socialising enough. Not getting to know more ppl and all.
I loves to listen to ppl talking bout anything. But not much of a person who talk.
Anyway (as inspire by Gin), we had a talk with one my girlfriend yesterday.
I am not a verbal person and hence didn't say much yesterday, so here goes (u know who u r):
Everyone have their own sets of problem. Whatever it is, be very tactful when managing ur emotions. Try not to let it interferes with work and studies. I know at times it's very difficult, who doesn't feels the same? Saying is easier than done. You don't need the distraction.
I always believe that there's always a outcome to a problem. Be positive and you will overcome. When u talk, the sound waves will always reach my ear. As long as u willing to talk. Alright?
Yesterday, I joined the grp for some running and practice for the upcoming napfa.
I sucks at running. My heart and lungs just couldn't take it <--- need plenty of practice, see?
Hopefully there will be some more time to build up the stamina and strength.
I must do it~
Politics interest me. I hope to get to know ppl of my age who have their own thoughts of politics.
I realised that I'm not socialising enough. Not getting to know more ppl and all.
I loves to listen to ppl talking bout anything. But not much of a person who talk.
Anyway (as inspire by Gin), we had a talk with one my girlfriend yesterday.
I am not a verbal person and hence didn't say much yesterday, so here goes (u know who u r):
Everyone have their own sets of problem. Whatever it is, be very tactful when managing ur emotions. Try not to let it interferes with work and studies. I know at times it's very difficult, who doesn't feels the same? Saying is easier than done. You don't need the distraction.
I always believe that there's always a outcome to a problem. Be positive and you will overcome. When u talk, the sound waves will always reach my ear. As long as u willing to talk. Alright?
Thursday, July 20, 2006
Emotional Roller-Coaster
I've been through an emotional roller-coaster this few days. Have no idea why.. just ups and downs. Sigh~ sigh~ sigh~ I need a break from all these shit..
At times I wonder whether am I over caring bout others' feeling that I neglected my own.
I always try to make ppl esp those with day-to-day close contact to be happy with whtever decision that we make as a group in study and leisure. Damn it~
I'm tired trying to take care of other ppl's feeling.
I'm sick of ppl who only thinks at their own best interest and never mind that they are affecting other ppl when they do that. Don't forget that everybody have their own projects too. Eventhough it's a bit later, but that doesn't mean everything have to wait, postponed and give way to u guys. This is not how things work.
I don't want to say it out loud coz we are friends. Why make everything till so ugly, right?
So all I can do is gulp and wash all the pissed-ness down the throat.
I am no perservative. I don't and can't perserve ur fragile little heart.
I'm finding salt to nurse my own.
At times I wonder whether am I over caring bout others' feeling that I neglected my own.
I always try to make ppl esp those with day-to-day close contact to be happy with whtever decision that we make as a group in study and leisure. Damn it~
I'm tired trying to take care of other ppl's feeling.
I'm sick of ppl who only thinks at their own best interest and never mind that they are affecting other ppl when they do that. Don't forget that everybody have their own projects too. Eventhough it's a bit later, but that doesn't mean everything have to wait, postponed and give way to u guys. This is not how things work.
I don't want to say it out loud coz we are friends. Why make everything till so ugly, right?
So all I can do is gulp and wash all the pissed-ness down the throat.
I am no perservative. I don't and can't perserve ur fragile little heart.
I'm finding salt to nurse my own.
Monday, July 17, 2006
Dentist and Presentations
From my perspectives, dentist and presentations shared the same piece of my mind - it totally freak me out, eventhough the former freak me out more.
Last Wed or so, (I can't remember which day) I finally mustered enough courage to pay the lucky dentist a visit. The outcome? I had 2 upper front teeth filled. Later (appointment at 6.30pm), another 2 upper molar yet to be fill. One or so more visit to put in some metal into one of the tooth and then do crowning. Cost? It can feed me for 2 months. Shit~
I hereby promised that I will have a dental check up every 6 month, chew a piece of gum after each meal, floss my teeth properly and use mouth rinse. <--- some of u may think that I deserved all the pain bcoz I didn't take care of my teeth properly. Hehehe.. nah~ at least I brushed my teeth twice a day..
Sch is quite busy and tiring and exhausted and stressful. 101 things to do, to be done.. on top of the food trail which manage to give me a headache every week without fail so far eventhough I'm not scheduled. Just like today, I have no freaking idea why they or rather she wanted a supplementary lecture(s).. and ask us to talk. Thanks a million to my beloved groupmate, I have to be the one. Already not in the mood, a bit sleepy + tired + bored.. hai~
Anyway, I did it in a monotonous, uninteresting way.. and ppl started talking at the same time.. Fanstatic~
I became more and more verbally vulgar.. which is a bad sign. Coz I only do this when I'm stressed. My stress level is linearly proportional (at least there will a chance that stress and hence vulgar will be zero) to vulgarness.
Stress factor:
- Environment ie school, "home"
- Socially
- Inner self
I shall elaborate some other time.
Last Wed or so, (I can't remember which day) I finally mustered enough courage to pay the lucky dentist a visit. The outcome? I had 2 upper front teeth filled. Later (appointment at 6.30pm), another 2 upper molar yet to be fill. One or so more visit to put in some metal into one of the tooth and then do crowning. Cost? It can feed me for 2 months. Shit~
I hereby promised that I will have a dental check up every 6 month, chew a piece of gum after each meal, floss my teeth properly and use mouth rinse. <--- some of u may think that I deserved all the pain bcoz I didn't take care of my teeth properly. Hehehe.. nah~ at least I brushed my teeth twice a day..
Sch is quite busy and tiring and exhausted and stressful. 101 things to do, to be done.. on top of the food trail which manage to give me a headache every week without fail so far eventhough I'm not scheduled. Just like today, I have no freaking idea why they or rather she wanted a supplementary lecture(s).. and ask us to talk. Thanks a million to my beloved groupmate, I have to be the one. Already not in the mood, a bit sleepy + tired + bored.. hai~
Anyway, I did it in a monotonous, uninteresting way.. and ppl started talking at the same time.. Fanstatic~
I became more and more verbally vulgar.. which is a bad sign. Coz I only do this when I'm stressed. My stress level is linearly proportional (at least there will a chance that stress and hence vulgar will be zero) to vulgarness.
Stress factor:
- Environment ie school, "home"
- Socially
- Inner self
I shall elaborate some other time.
Sunday, July 09, 2006
Once and for all
First week of sch, things been pretty busy and not to mention tiring. Partly bcoz of the lessons and all. The other reason? SHOPPING! before the Great Singapore Sales is over...
Summary of the first week --> Be a lazy bum and u may just find me picking up shits and cleaning asses for the rest of my life =(
There is so much things to do - presentations x 4, prep work and also the food trail..
I lurve to complain but at the same time enjoy the busy-ness of sch life.. one that I may not enjoy next yr.. just let me be~ I am a sadist..
Yesterday, I was the guide for the food trail where we r supposed to bring ppl around to show them the healthier food available.. I shall not elaborate b4 I get into any kind of trouble.. U see, Sg is a small small world and ppl like to make a big fuss out of nothing.. when I say big, I meant really B-I-G..
Like the any other day for the past few days, I woke up early, shower, changed, make up etc etc..
Then talked and talked and talked for that few hrs.. After that I feel so exhausted coz I've never talked so much b4..
After the whole thing finished, I felt so empty suddenly coz I've been anticipating this trail thing so much that I didn't plan what I want to do after that and hence the lazy sunday..
Btw, I want to watch world cup tonight or rather tmr early morning. I missed last season ie 4 yrs ago.. I shall not miss this yr too. Eventhough I am not soccer person, just got infected by the craze of the world cup season.
I realized something.. I keep on stumble upon the same "topic" again and again for the pass few days - Marriage and Pregnancy.
#1 Few days back, Jacz told me one of the guy from our batch at sec sch getting married soon or already have gotten married and expecting a child soon or already had a child.. (I got prob with retaining facts, ok?)
#2 Yesterday, Jacz (again, she's my only connection to the world beyond my social circle in sg) told me one of my best fren's bro is getting married end of this yr. It reminds me that we r stepping into the "age of marriage" in a few yrs time and before long we'll start receiving "red bombs". It'll be interesting to see from whom I receive my first invitation.
#3 Last night, my uncle's friend + wife came over for dinner. My lil' cousin will have new friend to play with soon. Before that, I met a lady from other grp who is pregnant during attachment.
#4 I dreamt bout one of my sec sch hi-bye fren. He's expecting a baby soon, I mean he's partner lar.. The weird thing is that, u know sometimes u will put ur ears on the pregnant abdomen with an attempt to listen for sounds?.. I did that, not on his partner but on his horribly flabby and stretch-marked abdomen (like he's been pregnant for several times).. Oh God~
I know I'm weird.
Summary of the first week --> Be a lazy bum and u may just find me picking up shits and cleaning asses for the rest of my life =(
There is so much things to do - presentations x 4, prep work and also the food trail..
I lurve to complain but at the same time enjoy the busy-ness of sch life.. one that I may not enjoy next yr.. just let me be~ I am a sadist..
Yesterday, I was the guide for the food trail where we r supposed to bring ppl around to show them the healthier food available.. I shall not elaborate b4 I get into any kind of trouble.. U see, Sg is a small small world and ppl like to make a big fuss out of nothing.. when I say big, I meant really B-I-G..
Like the any other day for the past few days, I woke up early, shower, changed, make up etc etc..
Then talked and talked and talked for that few hrs.. After that I feel so exhausted coz I've never talked so much b4..
After the whole thing finished, I felt so empty suddenly coz I've been anticipating this trail thing so much that I didn't plan what I want to do after that and hence the lazy sunday..
Btw, I want to watch world cup tonight or rather tmr early morning. I missed last season ie 4 yrs ago.. I shall not miss this yr too. Eventhough I am not soccer person, just got infected by the craze of the world cup season.
I realized something.. I keep on stumble upon the same "topic" again and again for the pass few days - Marriage and Pregnancy.
#1 Few days back, Jacz told me one of the guy from our batch at sec sch getting married soon or already have gotten married and expecting a child soon or already had a child.. (I got prob with retaining facts, ok?)
#2 Yesterday, Jacz (again, she's my only connection to the world beyond my social circle in sg) told me one of my best fren's bro is getting married end of this yr. It reminds me that we r stepping into the "age of marriage" in a few yrs time and before long we'll start receiving "red bombs". It'll be interesting to see from whom I receive my first invitation.
#3 Last night, my uncle's friend + wife came over for dinner. My lil' cousin will have new friend to play with soon. Before that, I met a lady from other grp who is pregnant during attachment.
#4 I dreamt bout one of my sec sch hi-bye fren. He's expecting a baby soon, I mean he's partner lar.. The weird thing is that, u know sometimes u will put ur ears on the pregnant abdomen with an attempt to listen for sounds?.. I did that, not on his partner but on his horribly flabby and stretch-marked abdomen (like he's been pregnant for several times).. Oh God~
I know I'm weird.
Sunday, July 02, 2006
Beginning of the Final...
Tmr marks the beginning of the final year.
What happened yesterday no longer important...
To prepare for the future is the priority..
Embrace the unknown,
Stepping through mine fields,
Unpredictable directions of the wind,
But as always,
The sun will rise from the east...
That is future - expected to come but yet so unpredictable
Finally 5 weeks of attachment is over, much to my relief. So many incidents, so much gossips going around.
New semester, New attitude, New resolution..
Resolution for the sem:
1) Study hard, play as hard. I'll never forgive myself if I ever let myself miss all the fun as a student on my final yr after being a student for a decade and a half.
2) Not to delay assignments/presentations until last minute.
3) Must do prep work for all the classes.
4) Think of a way to not-to-score badly for my NAPFA (some crappy fitness test). Omg.. I think this is my biggest obstacle. Urgh.
Plan - Start jogging 1, 3, 5.. plus a swimming session every week IF there's ppl willing to acc me *hint hint*.. But b4 that, I need a couple of running shorts and perhaps a new swimsuit.
U-R-G-H~
What happened yesterday no longer important...
To prepare for the future is the priority..
Embrace the unknown,
Stepping through mine fields,
Unpredictable directions of the wind,
But as always,
The sun will rise from the east...
That is future - expected to come but yet so unpredictable
Finally 5 weeks of attachment is over, much to my relief. So many incidents, so much gossips going around.
New semester, New attitude, New resolution..
Resolution for the sem:
1) Study hard, play as hard. I'll never forgive myself if I ever let myself miss all the fun as a student on my final yr after being a student for a decade and a half.
2) Not to delay assignments/presentations until last minute.
3) Must do prep work for all the classes.
4) Think of a way to not-to-score badly for my NAPFA (some crappy fitness test). Omg.. I think this is my biggest obstacle. Urgh.
Plan - Start jogging 1, 3, 5.. plus a swimming session every week IF there's ppl willing to acc me *hint hint*.. But b4 that, I need a couple of running shorts and perhaps a new swimsuit.
U-R-G-H~
Monday, June 12, 2006
Take for granted
Ok. 1 out of 15 days of final attachment for year 2. Oh man.. it's boring like mad.. If I were to choose between loads of work or boredom, I will choose the former.
Just read one of my best bud's blog and I think I should say something, as a friend and as a person who experienced life under the different rooftop as my parents.
No matter how bad the relationship is with one's parents.. they are still ur parents. Since the fact that they are ur parents will stucked on forever, why not lead a happy and healthy r/ship rather than a bitter one?
There was once whereby I wish that I was living alone somewhere out there..
But now I realized how foolish that thinking was, coz I missed those days of dependence.
=(
Just read one of my best bud's blog and I think I should say something, as a friend and as a person who experienced life under the different rooftop as my parents.
No matter how bad the relationship is with one's parents.. they are still ur parents. Since the fact that they are ur parents will stucked on forever, why not lead a happy and healthy r/ship rather than a bitter one?
There was once whereby I wish that I was living alone somewhere out there..
But now I realized how foolish that thinking was, coz I missed those days of dependence.
=(
Sunday, June 04, 2006
Sometimes I wonder...
Sometimes I wonder.. why can't a person judge by it's cover?
Sometimes I wonder.. how much one's instinct can be trusted?
Sometimes I wonder.. why superior exterior beauty is that important?
Sometimes I wonder.. why can't I be a bit more normal?
Sometimes I wonder.. how does it feel to be able to fit into any piece of garments?
Sometimes I wonder.. what is the goal of my life?
Sometimes I wonder.. what other ppl think of me?
Sometimes I wonder.. why money is so important nowadays?
Sometimes I wonder.. how can I get more money the easy way?
Sometimes I wonder.. how does it feels like to be filthy rich?
Sometimes I wonder.. when will he appear?
Sometimes I wonder.. if there is the existence of this person?
Sometimes I wonder.. why things are the way it is?
Sometimes I wonder.. how to make life more meaningful?
Life, my life, is full of uncertainties..
So many questions unanswered..
In time to come, some may be answered..
But there are some questions that will remain unanswered..
Sometimes I wonder.. how much one's instinct can be trusted?
Sometimes I wonder.. why superior exterior beauty is that important?
Sometimes I wonder.. why can't I be a bit more normal?
Sometimes I wonder.. how does it feel to be able to fit into any piece of garments?
Sometimes I wonder.. what is the goal of my life?
Sometimes I wonder.. what other ppl think of me?
Sometimes I wonder.. why money is so important nowadays?
Sometimes I wonder.. how can I get more money the easy way?
Sometimes I wonder.. how does it feels like to be filthy rich?
Sometimes I wonder.. when will he appear?
Sometimes I wonder.. if there is the existence of this person?
Sometimes I wonder.. why things are the way it is?
Sometimes I wonder.. how to make life more meaningful?
Life, my life, is full of uncertainties..
So many questions unanswered..
In time to come, some may be answered..
But there are some questions that will remain unanswered..
Saturday, June 03, 2006
Confession of a Lazy girl
Ok, I'm supposed to be some guide for some trail thing for the first time. But I called it off and ask someone (which I certainly appreciate her effort and helpfulness) to replace me.
Reasons:
1) I feel unwell. Had a headache with a pain score of 5 (0=no pain; 10=worst pain ever). For ppl like me who seldom had a headache, 5 is bad enough. I can't even remember when was the last time I had a headache. Not piles of presentations. Not exams.
I think it's because of the lack of sleep or rest. Hmm..
2) Hell.. I'm not ready. It's not like any presentation and it's totally disgusting if I am not prepared. A lot of memorizing need to be done. Urgh..
I just watched X-men. I expected more actions but anyway it's good. Bro wanted to watch 'The Omen' so we'll just wait for it to show.
4 more weeks till year 3. Time really pass fast. Though some things still remain the same, but a lot of things has changed throughout the years.
Family, I'm really grateful to have my family(eventhough some of them are a pain in the ass) with me all the time especially my mum. The family dynamic has changed throughout the years. I really hope that things will work out for all of us in the future. When everything seems so shaky, mum will always be there. What happen if one day you are not there anymore? I dare not to think.
* To me, there is a great difference in family and relatives. When I consider some one as my family, it means that person will always be there no matter what and we watch each other back. When I said that someone is a relative, everything is fine other than the money factor.
In friendships, I think I'm quite a failure. Especially to those who are not that close. I don't know what to talk bout and quite often end up in awkward silence. I noticed myself rarely contribute to the conversation which involved a lot of ppl or with ppl I just knew/not that close. But that doesn't mean I'm not interested. I'm just as interested to make new frens. Urgh..
Study and career. From nothing to something and hopefully my career is everything and not just anything. So far my life as a student is sailing smoothly especially after I joined the course which is good news. I am grateful that I get good results and good feedback. Let's work harder for the next year. My aim? To get straight A's or Dist. *Daydreaming*
Love and relationship probably is one thing that remain stagnant throughout - alone and happy. But I have a strong stand against male who thinks that girls that are not hot are not worth to be friends with. Unless u r as hot as those Hollywood actors, pls take along ur testosterone, penis and bring them together with ur muddled brain to the deep blue sea. Anyway, you r too hot for the shark that it burn their fins.
Reasons:
1) I feel unwell. Had a headache with a pain score of 5 (0=no pain; 10=worst pain ever). For ppl like me who seldom had a headache, 5 is bad enough. I can't even remember when was the last time I had a headache. Not piles of presentations. Not exams.
I think it's because of the lack of sleep or rest. Hmm..
2) Hell.. I'm not ready. It's not like any presentation and it's totally disgusting if I am not prepared. A lot of memorizing need to be done. Urgh..
I just watched X-men. I expected more actions but anyway it's good. Bro wanted to watch 'The Omen' so we'll just wait for it to show.
4 more weeks till year 3. Time really pass fast. Though some things still remain the same, but a lot of things has changed throughout the years.
Family, I'm really grateful to have my family(eventhough some of them are a pain in the ass) with me all the time especially my mum. The family dynamic has changed throughout the years. I really hope that things will work out for all of us in the future. When everything seems so shaky, mum will always be there. What happen if one day you are not there anymore? I dare not to think.
* To me, there is a great difference in family and relatives. When I consider some one as my family, it means that person will always be there no matter what and we watch each other back. When I said that someone is a relative, everything is fine other than the money factor.
In friendships, I think I'm quite a failure. Especially to those who are not that close. I don't know what to talk bout and quite often end up in awkward silence. I noticed myself rarely contribute to the conversation which involved a lot of ppl or with ppl I just knew/not that close. But that doesn't mean I'm not interested. I'm just as interested to make new frens. Urgh..
Study and career. From nothing to something and hopefully my career is everything and not just anything. So far my life as a student is sailing smoothly especially after I joined the course which is good news. I am grateful that I get good results and good feedback. Let's work harder for the next year. My aim? To get straight A's or Dist. *Daydreaming*
Love and relationship probably is one thing that remain stagnant throughout - alone and happy. But I have a strong stand against male who thinks that girls that are not hot are not worth to be friends with. Unless u r as hot as those Hollywood actors, pls take along ur testosterone, penis and bring them together with ur muddled brain to the deep blue sea. Anyway, you r too hot for the shark that it burn their fins.
Monday, May 29, 2006
How's life?
MIA-ed for too long. *sweeping dust from the blog*
Well, today is my first day in Obstetric ward. Overall it's ok. But I can be 60-70% sure it'll not be my field of preference in the future. No one solid single reason to explain why but yeah~
Anyway, looking at the babies.. It makes me feel that the process of child-bearing to childbirth to the "aftermath" is so wonderful.. I feel like having a baby too. Seriously, not just for the fun of the moment but to really bring up a child.
So, in order to get pregnant, I need some sperm. In order to have sperm, I need a man. Man is not any Tom, Dick or Harry and that is one single most big problem. So as a conclusion, I'll have to resort to wait and eventually the thinking will fade <--- most likely to happen or else miracle may happen - suddenly there is a perfect man waiting for me somewhere in the corner of the world.
I am just crapping. ;) Forgive me
Well, today is my first day in Obstetric ward. Overall it's ok. But I can be 60-70% sure it'll not be my field of preference in the future. No one solid single reason to explain why but yeah~
Anyway, looking at the babies.. It makes me feel that the process of child-bearing to childbirth to the "aftermath" is so wonderful.. I feel like having a baby too. Seriously, not just for the fun of the moment but to really bring up a child.
So, in order to get pregnant, I need some sperm. In order to have sperm, I need a man. Man is not any Tom, Dick or Harry and that is one single most big problem. So as a conclusion, I'll have to resort to wait and eventually the thinking will fade <--- most likely to happen or else miracle may happen - suddenly there is a perfect man waiting for me somewhere in the corner of the world.
I am just crapping. ;) Forgive me
Tuesday, May 02, 2006
Hello, Freedom!
3 weeks of doing the same thing - wake up, eat, work, home, eat again, rest, sleep...
Now, it's all over. One month of holiday - paradise~!
Last friday was a dreadful one. Last day of attachment + release of results.
Why must all the excitement and nervousness accumulate on one day and let any other day seems so boring?
At 3.00 am of 28/4/2006, I received a sms with my results.
B+ for the clinical and psycho; Dist for the rest...
I feel that I'm the most lucky person =)
Last day of attachment..
At first I thought I can slack through the day..
But it's too good to be true.
End up doing endless errands, doing more things than any other day.
Had a good chat with the Bro during break time.
And a great bye-byes with all the ppl.. I am so sad~
I hope that I can do my prcp at that ward.
Going back this Thurs.
I want to watch Mission Impossible 3 tmr.
Now, it's all over. One month of holiday - paradise~!
Last friday was a dreadful one. Last day of attachment + release of results.
Why must all the excitement and nervousness accumulate on one day and let any other day seems so boring?
At 3.00 am of 28/4/2006, I received a sms with my results.
B+ for the clinical and psycho; Dist for the rest...
I feel that I'm the most lucky person =)
Last day of attachment..
At first I thought I can slack through the day..
But it's too good to be true.
End up doing endless errands, doing more things than any other day.
Had a good chat with the Bro during break time.
And a great bye-byes with all the ppl.. I am so sad~
I hope that I can do my prcp at that ward.
Going back this Thurs.
I want to watch Mission Impossible 3 tmr.
Sunday, April 16, 2006
Cheapo
After much struggling throughout last week to wake up on time to get to work and having to drag myself home with such a pain on the feet and ass, at last it's the long weekend...
Yesterday, I went to this saloon to have my hair mainly fringe to be trimmed with my bro.
We chose the one in the center among the 3 saloon sitting side by side each other not knowing there was some kind of promotion going on. Lucky me, I got young lad to cut my hair. Frankly speaking, from my many but limited experiences to the saloon, seldom that I've come across young, male and seems "man" enough hair stylists. Most of the time, they either present themselves a bit too sissy and gayly or they are really gay. Sissy but stylish, what a combination.
After much snipping here and there, my hair became a bit too thin and short to my preference. =(
Now, come the interesting part, I am expecting the price to be around $20 for mine and $10-15 for my bro and took out the card preparing to pay at the cashier. Then the same guy who cut my hair told me "four dollar" (in chinese). I thought I heard it wrong and he repeated "FOUR dollar" plus 4 of his slim and long fingers sticking in front of me. My reaction? I was quite shocked and stunned there with my mouth gap opened for a few seconds before fishing out a 10 dollar notes. Then I know they are having a promo - cutting hair at $2 per head. When was the last time I had such a cheap hair cut? $2 or RM5? Hahaha.. oh~ and I laughed all the way home with my brother looking rather pissed because the auntie gave him a bad hair cut or so he claimed to look like "ah chan"(guy from china).
Hahahaha...
Yesterday, I went to this saloon to have my hair mainly fringe to be trimmed with my bro.
We chose the one in the center among the 3 saloon sitting side by side each other not knowing there was some kind of promotion going on. Lucky me, I got young lad to cut my hair. Frankly speaking, from my many but limited experiences to the saloon, seldom that I've come across young, male and seems "man" enough hair stylists. Most of the time, they either present themselves a bit too sissy and gayly or they are really gay. Sissy but stylish, what a combination.
After much snipping here and there, my hair became a bit too thin and short to my preference. =(
Now, come the interesting part, I am expecting the price to be around $20 for mine and $10-15 for my bro and took out the card preparing to pay at the cashier. Then the same guy who cut my hair told me "four dollar" (in chinese). I thought I heard it wrong and he repeated "FOUR dollar" plus 4 of his slim and long fingers sticking in front of me. My reaction? I was quite shocked and stunned there with my mouth gap opened for a few seconds before fishing out a 10 dollar notes. Then I know they are having a promo - cutting hair at $2 per head. When was the last time I had such a cheap hair cut? $2 or RM5? Hahaha.. oh~ and I laughed all the way home with my brother looking rather pissed because the auntie gave him a bad hair cut or so he claimed to look like "ah chan"(guy from china).
Hahahaha...
Wednesday, April 12, 2006
Sunshine, Lollipops n Rainbows
The world would be a better place if there was more sunshine, lollipops and rainbows. Essays are not my thing, i just ramble on about anything and I jump from one thought to another before my fingers can keep up and i always re-read what i write to make sure it makes sense, most times, it doesnt, then i spend time rectifying it, which in the end takes too much time, i couldnt be bothered and so i just post it. I've never been good with blogs especially ones where feelings, emotions and principles are involved...makes me feel insecure revealing stuff in my brain and people (like you) are reading wutever it is in my mind. And also my principles change as my priorities evolve with life, hence invalidating wutever entry that i might have posted earlier (if i ever did) , and portraying myself as a hypocrite (well, at least i see myself as one). Anyway, enough about me. Human behaviour in general is complex. One of the common threads we have is complaining--- seems to tie everyone together. Everyone has something to complain about - the weather, crap tv programs, nothing to do on a friday nite, work, more work, study, more study, annoyed with the ducks and hens always seem to possess the ability to wake people up early morning, the public transport, the government........and everything else. Mayb complaining is just voicing your negative opinions?Make sure you complain to someone who does care about you or whatever you're complaining, if not, it just falls on deaf ears, u waste finger energy typing, saliva talking, and brain thinking. And we like to reminisce, well some more than others.....especially when u're not in ur comfort zone, it's the memories that bring you back to where ur zone is, until u're fine with ur new one. For some, u may never find ur comfort zone wherever u r. Im immune to whatever it is and try to have fun before i get too old to be going places that i shouldnt b going when im too old. My centre of life....i still dont know what it is : friends evolve too quickly, not as close to God as i should be, family is abroad, money leaves too fast, sick of materials, non existent social life, say no to alcohol and drugs, dont have a sustainable hobby to keep me interested.....so basically i havent find my core, rock whatever. Mayb i just think too much.Highschool was so much simpler and less challenging yet i do enjoy immersing myself in the stress of uni....yes enjoy....gives me a sense of satisfaction.....like im here, doing this...i know where im going....and where i'll probably end up. that is mayb the biggest thing i can count on and control....the chances of passing my test is proportional to the amt of knowledge i can retain,recall and utilize. I strive for control and routine---if im in a routine i can control what happens? sounds contradictory but yeah.
So Kengz, we've survived the 1st half of the next chapter in our life, following highschool. Feels like not so long ago, and the past few years are just a blur. Some memories are so vivid. Anyway, still young at heart you old fart (though im older than u) so have no regrets, work, play and dance ur youth away. MISS YA SO MUCH MY BUM ACHES~~~~
So Kengz, we've survived the 1st half of the next chapter in our life, following highschool. Feels like not so long ago, and the past few years are just a blur. Some memories are so vivid. Anyway, still young at heart you old fart (though im older than u) so have no regrets, work, play and dance ur youth away. MISS YA SO MUCH MY BUM ACHES~~~~
Saturday, April 08, 2006
Weather Forecast: Sunshine ahead
Finally, exam is over. It's O-V-E-R. For the past 2 weeks, it has been pure torture.
But I am dead worried with the results. I really don't know what I got myself into, I became a worry wart.
When studying for the exam, I worried bout whether I will be able to finish studying everything.
At the morning of the paper, I worried that my brain may overwork and decide to hibernate like my hard disk for only-God's-know-how-long.
Before the paper, I worried that I may not be able to answer all the questions on time especially so if it's a short answer question.
After finishing the paper, I worried whether the shaded answer for multiple questions correspond with the ans on the question paper despite checking and checking again.
Now that everything is finally over, I am worried about the results. =(
How worrying life can be? or maybe it's just me...
Attachment starting soon, real soon. 36 hours from now.
Looking forward to work again but detest having to travel an hour plus to get there.
But I am dead worried with the results. I really don't know what I got myself into, I became a worry wart.
When studying for the exam, I worried bout whether I will be able to finish studying everything.
At the morning of the paper, I worried that my brain may overwork and decide to hibernate like my hard disk for only-God's-know-how-long.
Before the paper, I worried that I may not be able to answer all the questions on time especially so if it's a short answer question.
After finishing the paper, I worried whether the shaded answer for multiple questions correspond with the ans on the question paper despite checking and checking again.
Now that everything is finally over, I am worried about the results. =(
How worrying life can be? or maybe it's just me...
Attachment starting soon, real soon. 36 hours from now.
Looking forward to work again but detest having to travel an hour plus to get there.
Tuesday, April 04, 2006
In loving Memory..
For the past one and a half year, you have been accompanying me through my ups and downs.
When I need entertainment the most, you provided me the comfort...
When I need to complain to someone about my bad day, you are always there for me...
When I need to get my assignments done, you will be the one that help me...
We've counted on each other so much that it's a great pain to let you go...
But you are too young to go, to gave up your life and to let me down...
How am I to go through these rocky days without you?
You will never know, Coz you are no longer here.
Last night when I entered the room after a shower, I found you collapsed. Quickly, with Adrian we tried to resusitate you. Initially, you gave me hope, I heard a mutter but it's just a false hope. In the end, we failed. You have decided that you worked too long and too hard. You left me alone.
In loving memory of my bloody hard disk.
When I need entertainment the most, you provided me the comfort...
When I need to complain to someone about my bad day, you are always there for me...
When I need to get my assignments done, you will be the one that help me...
We've counted on each other so much that it's a great pain to let you go...
But you are too young to go, to gave up your life and to let me down...
How am I to go through these rocky days without you?
You will never know, Coz you are no longer here.
Last night when I entered the room after a shower, I found you collapsed. Quickly, with Adrian we tried to resusitate you. Initially, you gave me hope, I heard a mutter but it's just a false hope. In the end, we failed. You have decided that you worked too long and too hard. You left me alone.
In loving memory of my bloody hard disk.
Friday, March 31, 2006
Looking Back
In the midst of surfing the blogs just now, I came across a very well written blog and it reminds me of my post-SPM period. Spending almost 3 months, not to mention is the constant probing from my mum 1-2 yrs before I graduated from sec. sch, pondering on what I should study and work as in the future. Thinking back, I had wasted quite a fair bit of time on doing nothing at all.
Not that I regretted coming here to study, but if I did more research on the many many universities and colleges and courses out there, I may end up somewhere that is better off than here in terms of the education system. Ok, personally I think S'pore is a very systematic, efficient and a country with high standards. But, the society at times are a bit too enthusiastic - that is making a big fuss out of nothing at all. Take for example the sex video incident, if it's not because of the enthusiasm of the society, the poor girl probably still left with a little bit of dignity for herself in the future.
The other thing I don't really don't quite understand is the idea of "celebrity blogs". This is certainly something I don't really expect when I first came here. Being famous because you own a blog? Even to the extend that doing advertisement on the blog?
Umm, sidetracked. Ok, Back to the point. Nursing is something I definitely will choose if I were to be given a second chance and 3 years is not not not enough. But I think I will enjoy it more if the education system is not that suffocating. Come on ppl, it's tertiary education, the lecturer's supposed to spoon-fed you?
To be continue...
Not that I regretted coming here to study, but if I did more research on the many many universities and colleges and courses out there, I may end up somewhere that is better off than here in terms of the education system. Ok, personally I think S'pore is a very systematic, efficient and a country with high standards. But, the society at times are a bit too enthusiastic - that is making a big fuss out of nothing at all. Take for example the sex video incident, if it's not because of the enthusiasm of the society, the poor girl probably still left with a little bit of dignity for herself in the future.
The other thing I don't really don't quite understand is the idea of "celebrity blogs". This is certainly something I don't really expect when I first came here. Being famous because you own a blog? Even to the extend that doing advertisement on the blog?
Umm, sidetracked. Ok, Back to the point. Nursing is something I definitely will choose if I were to be given a second chance and 3 years is not not not enough. But I think I will enjoy it more if the education system is not that suffocating. Come on ppl, it's tertiary education, the lecturer's supposed to spoon-fed you?
To be continue...
Psychotic taking psychology..
Today is my first paper - psychology... Summary of the paper - it sucks, Sucks, SUCKS!!!!!
There is barely enough time for me to finish writing. =( and the worst part of all I didn't get to double check my MCQ's question. Double-checking is a ritual of mine during exam. Generally, I can go through all the questions 2-3 times and convince myself that it's the correct answer to that question, IF time permits. I know it's useless coz it's over.. all I can do is cross my fingers and toes that I pass the paper. No, not pass.. at least get a B... B that's the worst I can tolerate for theory paper.. Hai~ I know it's too much to ask for looking at the effort I put in for this module..
But the problem is I am a person with too much pride that sometimes I feel like strangling myself.. Maybe I can make an exception for this semester.. So that it will motivate me to work harder next sem.. No! No! cannot! cannot! U must work harder for the rest of the papers..
Hai~ my id and superego is having a big time conflict..
I am going crazy~ get me out this hell.. someone pleaseeeeeeeee~~~
There is barely enough time for me to finish writing. =( and the worst part of all I didn't get to double check my MCQ's question. Double-checking is a ritual of mine during exam. Generally, I can go through all the questions 2-3 times and convince myself that it's the correct answer to that question, IF time permits. I know it's useless coz it's over.. all I can do is cross my fingers and toes that I pass the paper. No, not pass.. at least get a B... B that's the worst I can tolerate for theory paper.. Hai~ I know it's too much to ask for looking at the effort I put in for this module..
But the problem is I am a person with too much pride that sometimes I feel like strangling myself.. Maybe I can make an exception for this semester.. So that it will motivate me to work harder next sem.. No! No! cannot! cannot! U must work harder for the rest of the papers..
Hai~ my id and superego is having a big time conflict..
I am going crazy~ get me out this hell.. someone pleaseeeeeeeee~~~
Okay, this picture above is a work of my bro.. Actually there is two version (u can visit his website for the other version) and he asked me last night which one is better, and I told him that the other is better because the girl's outfit is more prominent.. he replied "ok, I guess I will just stick with this one" and I was like =_=... He always ask me how's his work and I will always answer him "ok lar".. But this piece is really a good piece I must say.. When he first draw the first version aka the other piece I told him that the lighting is a bit weird.. and he came up with this amazing work and hence must compliment a bit.. I don't usually give compliment because later he may grow two wings and fly to the other universe.. Hohoho kidding..
Btw, I always him to draw me.. That day he told me "erm.. wait u become thinner first".. I was like wtf?! It's like a one in a million chance... Hahaha whatever..
So anybody want a portrait of themself at an affordable prices, pls contact me~ WAHAHAHA
Monday, March 20, 2006
I can, I must, I will...
After the past 2 days of being pissed, angry, frustrated and hopeless.. I finally decided that I should take all the things in my hand from now on.. I will turn around the down-slope life of mine to another peak. I can, I must, I will.... Eventhough I am almost penny-less now... =_=
Talking bout taking things into our own hands.. The other day I saw one of friend's nick in msn..
It sounds something like this : Believe in God and don't take things into ur own hands.
Note that I don't held any personal grudge against Christians/Catholics. It's just my opinion.. No hard feelings. But when I saw that verse, I was like wtf? For e.g. You wanted good grades, but you do nothing bout it ie. no extra work etc etc.. and just simply believe in God and have faith in Him... will u really get good grades in the end? This is just my illustration.. I can't think of other more suitable examples.
From today onwards, I will just one-eye-closed to wht's happening outside my room. I don't give a damn nor do I contribute to the issue going around. But of coz I will still remained as my mum's news reporter of the situation here. =)
P-A-T-I-E-N-C-E.. I am going to put this into good use.. I can, I must, I will
HAHAHAHAHA.. I am laughing once again..
To you and him:
I sincerely hope that you guys can work things out this time...
Not every couple have the opportunity to work things out over and over again...
No matter what, give it all the best u can and no regrets even it doesn't work out as you two wish..
I think that our life is too short to have regrets.. Once u come across a junction, u will have to choose between the two or more routes and stick to it.. Of course, occasionally there will be round-about... I hope that you guys have "drive" away from the round-about and turn into the other route. =) Happy "pak-toh"ing...
Sometimes I wonder how does it feels like to be in a relationships..
So much for appearing fearless in most of the aspect in my life.. But I am totally gutless in relationships.. I gave up the hope for one long long time ago.. Becoz I am afraid of being hurt, another reason contributing to why I don't trust ppl easily..
Oh, Commonwealth Games - Melbourne 2006 has started and I didn't know bout this until few days ago... =_= I missed the opening ceremoney.. heard that it's fantastic..
Anyway, I watched a women preliminary hockey match today - M'sia(2) vs. South Africa(1) and I must say that I am absolutely, positively proud to be a Malaysian... Hahaha...
Eventhough M'sia is not the top in sports, but at least more than 50% of the sportsmen/women are M'sian.. M'sian represents M'sia.. that's the spirit of inter-country Games...
Not importing some cheap and good sportsmen from other country and grant them citizenship..
That doesn't sounds right...
Analogy: Buy product brand X, peel off the label and stick your own Label..
Anak M'sia Boleh~!
Talking bout taking things into our own hands.. The other day I saw one of friend's nick in msn..
It sounds something like this : Believe in God and don't take things into ur own hands.
Note that I don't held any personal grudge against Christians/Catholics. It's just my opinion.. No hard feelings. But when I saw that verse, I was like wtf? For e.g. You wanted good grades, but you do nothing bout it ie. no extra work etc etc.. and just simply believe in God and have faith in Him... will u really get good grades in the end? This is just my illustration.. I can't think of other more suitable examples.
From today onwards, I will just one-eye-closed to wht's happening outside my room. I don't give a damn nor do I contribute to the issue going around. But of coz I will still remained as my mum's news reporter of the situation here. =)
P-A-T-I-E-N-C-E.. I am going to put this into good use.. I can, I must, I will
HAHAHAHAHA.. I am laughing once again..
To you and him:
I sincerely hope that you guys can work things out this time...
Not every couple have the opportunity to work things out over and over again...
No matter what, give it all the best u can and no regrets even it doesn't work out as you two wish..
I think that our life is too short to have regrets.. Once u come across a junction, u will have to choose between the two or more routes and stick to it.. Of course, occasionally there will be round-about... I hope that you guys have "drive" away from the round-about and turn into the other route. =) Happy "pak-toh"ing...
Sometimes I wonder how does it feels like to be in a relationships..
So much for appearing fearless in most of the aspect in my life.. But I am totally gutless in relationships.. I gave up the hope for one long long time ago.. Becoz I am afraid of being hurt, another reason contributing to why I don't trust ppl easily..
Oh, Commonwealth Games - Melbourne 2006 has started and I didn't know bout this until few days ago... =_= I missed the opening ceremoney.. heard that it's fantastic..
Anyway, I watched a women preliminary hockey match today - M'sia(2) vs. South Africa(1) and I must say that I am absolutely, positively proud to be a Malaysian... Hahaha...
Eventhough M'sia is not the top in sports, but at least more than 50% of the sportsmen/women are M'sian.. M'sian represents M'sia.. that's the spirit of inter-country Games...
Not importing some cheap and good sportsmen from other country and grant them citizenship..
That doesn't sounds right...
Analogy: Buy product brand X, peel off the label and stick your own Label..
Anak M'sia Boleh~!
Sunday, March 19, 2006
You and Him
Just now I had a talk with a good friend, things turn out badly or so it seems..
Maybe I am interrupting your life, maybe I talked too much...
Advices are given, free to take or leave it... It may sounds a bit instructing,
But, sorry, that's my style..
I was trying to look at things at both side, maybe that's a wrong idea..
4 months ago, I won't give a damn of wht he said/done..
Now, I have to face it that I got a glimpse of what kind of person he is..
and truly I sympathised him for all that had happened..
Bear in mind, I didn't at all put the blame on you.. It takes two hands to clap..
Maybe it's the sympathy that made me sounds that I am not at all supporting u..
Sorry for that and everything..
Wht's been said is said.. after the story I've told u, after that incident, I never allowed myself to tangle in this kind of situation.. you may think that I am childish/coward/useless to be in this way.. That was the painful-est moment in my life eventhough it may not seems significant to u.
After that incident, I never brought up that topic again to anyone..
Whatever it is.. u r still my friend and I will always be there for you no matter what.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
My respect for her no longer exists, even if it does it's just a slim and tiny one.
Trust and respect is 2 things that I don't give out and take back easily..
I am counting on the days until I can get out of here that it's depressing...
The day I leave this place is the day I regain my sanity..
The woman thinks that we owe it to her thus gaining the right to order us around, to criticise the stuff i bought with my own money.. wtf
I detest being ordered around/criticised, hence staying in my room and only appear whenever necessary.. which is another depressing problem...
Maybe I am interrupting your life, maybe I talked too much...
Advices are given, free to take or leave it... It may sounds a bit instructing,
But, sorry, that's my style..
I was trying to look at things at both side, maybe that's a wrong idea..
4 months ago, I won't give a damn of wht he said/done..
Now, I have to face it that I got a glimpse of what kind of person he is..
and truly I sympathised him for all that had happened..
Bear in mind, I didn't at all put the blame on you.. It takes two hands to clap..
Maybe it's the sympathy that made me sounds that I am not at all supporting u..
Sorry for that and everything..
Wht's been said is said.. after the story I've told u, after that incident, I never allowed myself to tangle in this kind of situation.. you may think that I am childish/coward/useless to be in this way.. That was the painful-est moment in my life eventhough it may not seems significant to u.
After that incident, I never brought up that topic again to anyone..
Whatever it is.. u r still my friend and I will always be there for you no matter what.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
My respect for her no longer exists, even if it does it's just a slim and tiny one.
Trust and respect is 2 things that I don't give out and take back easily..
I am counting on the days until I can get out of here that it's depressing...
The day I leave this place is the day I regain my sanity..
The woman thinks that we owe it to her thus gaining the right to order us around, to criticise the stuff i bought with my own money.. wtf
I detest being ordered around/criticised, hence staying in my room and only appear whenever necessary.. which is another depressing problem...
Saturday, March 18, 2006
Dear Jac...
Today is 18th of March.. Exactly 20 yrs ago, you came to this world.. We led a separate childhood world's apart.. Many many years later, not knowing I would come across such a wonderful person, I joined the same sec sch as you.. hahaha~ and the rest is history...
Without u, I will be so lost...
When everyone doesn't seems to be listening, ur big ears will always be there scooping everything from my heart.
I can't bring myself to think I may lost u one day..
That's how dependent I am to ur presence...
Happy 20th Birthday, Jac~!!
SanKeng.
Without u, I will be so lost...
When everyone doesn't seems to be listening, ur big ears will always be there scooping everything from my heart.
I can't bring myself to think I may lost u one day..
That's how dependent I am to ur presence...
Happy 20th Birthday, Jac~!!
SanKeng.
Friday, March 17, 2006
Distant, Distance and Destiny
One more big obstacle to sum up the whole sem - final exam, in exactly 2 weeks from now.
Once again, I am in the all-stress mode and I haven't recover from all the tests, presentations etc.. =( 2 weeks time, hopefully there is sufficient time to study..
This few days I've got a weird mood swings?feelings?whatever u named it...
I don't feel like engaging in a conversation at all.. Even if I do talk, I feel tired easily..
Then ppl will start asking me - "Mel, r u ok?" or "Melissa, why u look so stress?"
I need a break from my current environment.. It's just too much to be handle..
Not only conflict happening between friends but also at the shelter (the place I'm staying now merely it's just a shelter for me to get my basic nessicities, the shift from wht I think I used to called home in s'pore to shelter is probably due to the one damn single factor -$$money$$)
I am getting numb to all this kind of stuff.. I wish that I am in a foreign place living alone by myself or O-N-L-Y with my nuclear family + granny.. all the etc etc ppl disappear in my life within a snap of finger.. They are all testing my limits..
But however numb I am, I can't stop the sound wave from getting into my ears..
Friends, friends, friends... some of them unknowingly testing my limits too..
Constant Dilemma + ppl trying to climb all over ur head because u r too "good-hearted"..
You ripe wht you sow.. So whtever is happening today, you only got urself to blame.
It's nauseating.
Once again, I am in the all-stress mode and I haven't recover from all the tests, presentations etc.. =( 2 weeks time, hopefully there is sufficient time to study..
This few days I've got a weird mood swings?feelings?whatever u named it...
I don't feel like engaging in a conversation at all.. Even if I do talk, I feel tired easily..
Then ppl will start asking me - "Mel, r u ok?" or "Melissa, why u look so stress?"
I need a break from my current environment.. It's just too much to be handle..
Not only conflict happening between friends but also at the shelter (the place I'm staying now merely it's just a shelter for me to get my basic nessicities, the shift from wht I think I used to called home in s'pore to shelter is probably due to the one damn single factor -$$money$$)
I am getting numb to all this kind of stuff.. I wish that I am in a foreign place living alone by myself or O-N-L-Y with my nuclear family + granny.. all the etc etc ppl disappear in my life within a snap of finger.. They are all testing my limits..
But however numb I am, I can't stop the sound wave from getting into my ears..
Friends, friends, friends... some of them unknowingly testing my limits too..
Constant Dilemma + ppl trying to climb all over ur head because u r too "good-hearted"..
You ripe wht you sow.. So whtever is happening today, you only got urself to blame.
It's nauseating.
Monday, March 06, 2006
Appreciation
I am tired, so tired. Today is a long day. I think I had some kind of anxiety or nervous attack this afternoon. 3pm was my first lecture/lesson of the day (Bio) but I went sch early to settle some projects. Everything started fine until the middile of the lecture when I start to have funny feelings - It's like the feeling right before something eg. presentation, interview etc. I can listen to my own heartbeat, stomach is churning in a funny way, the hand is slightly trembling and palm is cold and sweaty. This thing went on for another hour or so until I had my McSpicy Chicken meal.. Hahahaha.. I think I am hypo but can't be.. coz I had a sandwich and a cup of latte freeze right before lecture. hmm...
I am feeling awfully unhappy and stressed.
Awfully unhappy because I had lost my painted-blue-room which I've slept, eat, play in for the past 15 months to my cousin. =( After having a room to myself for more than a year, I am feeling depressed having to share a room with my bro who had his life turn upside-down - staying awake for the whole night and sleeping in the daylight. I think his pineal gland farked up. Secreting melatonin during the day time. Sigh~
Eventhough I wish to try to live by my own, I have to appreciate that my auntie take us in though she charged me a bloody $400 for it. But then again, I have to appreciate the fact that 400 bucks is cheap compared to the "market" price and considering the fact that uncle make fanstastic beef stew.
Hai~.. Life is difficult. And I am only turning 20 this year. Unless accidentally I am six feet under, I think the road ahead will be more "interesting". Hmm.. But 10 yrs down the road, I am pretty sure I will think that the now me is so foolish to think that the life now is difficult. Hahaha...
Yesterday, I told my friend that whenever he feel tired, just laugh "HA HA HA" to yourself and u will feel energetic.
HA HA HA!
I feel happier and better now.
I am feeling awfully unhappy and stressed.
Awfully unhappy because I had lost my painted-blue-room which I've slept, eat, play in for the past 15 months to my cousin. =( After having a room to myself for more than a year, I am feeling depressed having to share a room with my bro who had his life turn upside-down - staying awake for the whole night and sleeping in the daylight. I think his pineal gland farked up. Secreting melatonin during the day time. Sigh~
Eventhough I wish to try to live by my own, I have to appreciate that my auntie take us in though she charged me a bloody $400 for it. But then again, I have to appreciate the fact that 400 bucks is cheap compared to the "market" price and considering the fact that uncle make fanstastic beef stew.
Hai~.. Life is difficult. And I am only turning 20 this year. Unless accidentally I am six feet under, I think the road ahead will be more "interesting". Hmm.. But 10 yrs down the road, I am pretty sure I will think that the now me is so foolish to think that the life now is difficult. Hahaha...
Yesterday, I told my friend that whenever he feel tired, just laugh "HA HA HA" to yourself and u will feel energetic.
HA HA HA!
I feel happier and better now.
Saturday, March 04, 2006
Sighing is useless.. yes~ it's useless!
It's said that next week there is 2 tests, nursing skills theory & Research Method.. But apparently our missie here is still lazing around and haven't really get started... fark it~ I don't even know how to study for it.. Frankly, the skill's manual is soooo messy and have to ever-so-oftenly refer to the textbook..
I don't know, I really don't know.. I think I've lost the oomph~ to study that I had last year.. Nevertheless, I still study but just for the sake of passing the paper.. Heck, not just passing but hoping for the best but yet I don't feel like study.. wtf is this?
Random Pictures
I don't know, I really don't know.. I think I've lost the oomph~ to study that I had last year.. Nevertheless, I still study but just for the sake of passing the paper.. Heck, not just passing but hoping for the best but yet I don't feel like study.. wtf is this?
Random Pictures
This is the infamous Gin and I.. I think around a yr ago.. We look so innocent that it's ridiculous. Gin looks like she just freshly graduated from sec sch kind of girl.. hehe~ and me? I look ridiculously horrendous and funny.. The eyebrow really can change the way u look..
This is us on the last day of 2005. =)) Happy~
Thursday, February 16, 2006
Unspoken Misery..
Recently I feel that my life is getting more and more miserable.. Things starts to get beyond my control, because I live upon others all these while.. They revolves around my life, my world.. I am nothing without all my family and friends and whoever come across my life.. Nobody can live alone, U need others.. We depends on each other for survival. This is a long known fact and everyone, I believe, are well aware of this that it has already sync into our life.. That's why ppl are starting to take the existence of others for granted..
Yes, I am very unhappy... Not only because what's happening in school but at home too..
Fark it, I don't give a damn if u want to skip lectures.. Since that no one has the heart to listen to me whining, I might just as well state it here clear and loud.. So that u all won't be guessing what am I thinking bout.. Even if I have to sacrifice my time studying bio.. But this thing is bothering me too much, not because of wht u all are doing.. it's how u all present the matter and how other ppl look at it.. It pissed me off~
Advanced Warning: The below matter may be a bit sensitive. It's all my thoughts. Take it or leave it.
Skipping lectures.. yes~ it's beyond my control whether u want to attend or not. It's none of my farking business. But as a fren, I am concerned. I am concerned with ur studying, with ur results. But when u all are not concern with ur own results, why do I farking care? Results are one matter, the learning attitude is another matter.. Fark it
I am not someone who will get angry so easily that I'll be mad if noone accompany my thruout the lecture.. But don't go to the extend that u tell other ppl not to tell me that u r sitting outside lecture hall.. Unless u r trying to play hide and seek, if not think twice before doing that..
Note: Don't tell me u r sorry.. Just shut the fark up and pretend I didn't say anything.. Yes, this can do harm to our friendship.. but it's too much to be kept inside, it's getting on my nerve.. No, no one can understand my standing.. or maybe just nobody want to listen to me whining. Fark it.. I've had enough..
At home, relatives can be ugly at times. When it come to money, the relationship drop by a few notch. I hate to think that ppl are sometimes too self-centered. Since I've come here, I learned that ppl can be so self-center that it's beyond MY imagination and now I learn to become more self-centered.. If not, others will start to step all over ur head..
Yes, I am very unhappy... Not only because what's happening in school but at home too..
Fark it, I don't give a damn if u want to skip lectures.. Since that no one has the heart to listen to me whining, I might just as well state it here clear and loud.. So that u all won't be guessing what am I thinking bout.. Even if I have to sacrifice my time studying bio.. But this thing is bothering me too much, not because of wht u all are doing.. it's how u all present the matter and how other ppl look at it.. It pissed me off~
Advanced Warning: The below matter may be a bit sensitive. It's all my thoughts. Take it or leave it.
Skipping lectures.. yes~ it's beyond my control whether u want to attend or not. It's none of my farking business. But as a fren, I am concerned. I am concerned with ur studying, with ur results. But when u all are not concern with ur own results, why do I farking care? Results are one matter, the learning attitude is another matter.. Fark it
I am not someone who will get angry so easily that I'll be mad if noone accompany my thruout the lecture.. But don't go to the extend that u tell other ppl not to tell me that u r sitting outside lecture hall.. Unless u r trying to play hide and seek, if not think twice before doing that..
Note: Don't tell me u r sorry.. Just shut the fark up and pretend I didn't say anything.. Yes, this can do harm to our friendship.. but it's too much to be kept inside, it's getting on my nerve.. No, no one can understand my standing.. or maybe just nobody want to listen to me whining. Fark it.. I've had enough..
At home, relatives can be ugly at times. When it come to money, the relationship drop by a few notch. I hate to think that ppl are sometimes too self-centered. Since I've come here, I learned that ppl can be so self-center that it's beyond MY imagination and now I learn to become more self-centered.. If not, others will start to step all over ur head..
Wednesday, February 08, 2006
Been and Back
Been and back from Sandakan for CNY.. Summary of the trip:
Met a lot of ppl,
Eat a lot of stuff,
Collect a lot of angpaus,
Did a lot of things.
I guess ppl don't change drastically, though appearance does. Still the same old group of ppl with the same old characteristics. =) Pictures say it all.
Met a lot of ppl,
Eat a lot of stuff,
Collect a lot of angpaus,
Did a lot of things.
I guess ppl don't change drastically, though appearance does. Still the same old group of ppl with the same old characteristics. =) Pictures say it all.
:: That two ppl behind -_- ::
:: Discussing something serious.. ::
:: hehe.. a grp of bo liao ppl ::
How come the pics blur blur? Duh..
Sunday, January 22, 2006
MoS
Went to MoS - Ministry of Sound on fri. Fyi, MoS is the newest, biggest yet and rumoured-hottest club in S'pore. I still think zouk is better. Maybe it's the crowd or maybe it's the music or maybe I'm just plain tired after a long day of sch. Seriously, I still like RnB as compared to retro. Too bad the rnb side is just super-duper-hyper packed, and the area simply just too small to accomodate the crowd. Anyway, it's another eye-opener for me. =)) Oh, one thing good bout the place is, they got a B-I-G toilet - lots of cubicles. Not like zouk, which only have a pathetic 5 or 6 cubicles. By the time ur turn to use the toilet, probably urinated on the pants.
Been reading kennysia.com recently. This guy is damn hilarious and somehow "dirty". At times I wonder, how ppl like him can be so devoted towards blogging. The time, the inspiration, the brain juice... in return? The fame, Some awards and a pat on the shoulder.
Tmr's mon. guess I am having monday's blues. (urgh, it's not even mon yet)
Last week is a furious week.
First, I had my BCLS(Basic Cardiac Life Support) practical and theory test back-to-back. Luckily, I passed both. Huhu~
Then, I fired at half of the class because of some miscommunication. Sorry guys, I need to protect my grp. Truly, I can't see why we r the grp at fault. We've asked and clarified. Everybody is following the sequence that we all thought it should be. We r following the sequence as well. Yet, somewhere somehow something went wrong. Well, wht's happened has happened. Gone were the minutes of intensity when we found out that there were clashes on topics. It no longer matters. Screw it up, Spat it out, Clean it up.
Been reading kennysia.com recently. This guy is damn hilarious and somehow "dirty". At times I wonder, how ppl like him can be so devoted towards blogging. The time, the inspiration, the brain juice... in return? The fame, Some awards and a pat on the shoulder.
Tmr's mon. guess I am having monday's blues. (urgh, it's not even mon yet)
Last week is a furious week.
First, I had my BCLS(Basic Cardiac Life Support) practical and theory test back-to-back. Luckily, I passed both. Huhu~
Then, I fired at half of the class because of some miscommunication. Sorry guys, I need to protect my grp. Truly, I can't see why we r the grp at fault. We've asked and clarified. Everybody is following the sequence that we all thought it should be. We r following the sequence as well. Yet, somewhere somehow something went wrong. Well, wht's happened has happened. Gone were the minutes of intensity when we found out that there were clashes on topics. It no longer matters. Screw it up, Spat it out, Clean it up.
Monday, January 16, 2006
Welcome to the World~
Supposingly I am to revised BCLS, coz wed is the practical test at 3pm then follow by the theory test at 4pm.. how lucky can i get? duh~ so, what am I doing here??
Of coz to welcome my super duper C-U-T-E lil' cousin, Ruben~~~~ Welcome to the world! At this moment, he is 2.5 hrs old. Wuhuu~.. super excited.. at last I can baby bath an infant without scaring the shit out of myself.. other person's child mah, so have to handle with care... but this is my cousin, can play all the way I want.. huhuhuhu~
Today is a crazy day.. yeah~ everyone is in the hippest mood to joke with the thing that make a man looks like a man... Here's the conversation:
Gin: I am so excited...
Uma: Why lar?
Gin: Coz today bio, she (lecturer) going to lecture bout male reproductive..
(Of coz in Gin's mind at that point of time, male repro are only narrowed to the penis or such..)
Me: Oh yeah.. U can't wait to see it, U can't wait to feel it, U can't wait to touch it, U can't wait
to feel the stiffness of it...
Uma: Melissa, I can't believe u're actually saying that..
(I can't believe i said that too, but anyway...)
Me: hehehe... what? what? what? the penis of the manikin in the lab not stiff then wht? flimsy
ar?
That's only the starting of the bizzarely crazy day... well?
Of coz to welcome my super duper C-U-T-E lil' cousin, Ruben~~~~ Welcome to the world! At this moment, he is 2.5 hrs old. Wuhuu~.. super excited.. at last I can baby bath an infant without scaring the shit out of myself.. other person's child mah, so have to handle with care... but this is my cousin, can play all the way I want.. huhuhuhu~
Today is a crazy day.. yeah~ everyone is in the hippest mood to joke with the thing that make a man looks like a man... Here's the conversation:
Gin: I am so excited...
Uma: Why lar?
Gin: Coz today bio, she (lecturer) going to lecture bout male reproductive..
(Of coz in Gin's mind at that point of time, male repro are only narrowed to the penis or such..)
Me: Oh yeah.. U can't wait to see it, U can't wait to feel it, U can't wait to touch it, U can't wait
to feel the stiffness of it...
Uma: Melissa, I can't believe u're actually saying that..
(I can't believe i said that too, but anyway...)
Me: hehehe... what? what? what? the penis of the manikin in the lab not stiff then wht? flimsy
ar?
That's only the starting of the bizzarely crazy day... well?
Friday, January 13, 2006
From this moment..
Ok, so I've moved to blogspot. Why? I did it out of impulse. I've decided to make changes to my life. It's time to get everything together. Sch started 2 weeks ago. But I still feel very unorganized, as if everything is out of place. Nothing seems to feel right at this moment. It's too difficult to describe the emotions in words. The stress, it's eating me inside out slowly.
I lost track of who am I inside. Who am I used to be. How I used to feel as myself once upon a time ago. I am no longer me. I am lost.
Each day, I realized more and more that human really is an amazing creature. Especially the brain. Think bout this, without a functional human brain, I won't be able to type this and u won't be able to read this either. See? So, be grateful that u r able to read this coz u have a functional brain, not because of how many years u have spend studying the combination of different alphabets to produce words.
I lost track of who am I inside. Who am I used to be. How I used to feel as myself once upon a time ago. I am no longer me. I am lost.
Each day, I realized more and more that human really is an amazing creature. Especially the brain. Think bout this, without a functional human brain, I won't be able to type this and u won't be able to read this either. See? So, be grateful that u r able to read this coz u have a functional brain, not because of how many years u have spend studying the combination of different alphabets to produce words.
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