Looking Back

In the midst of surfing the blogs just now, I came across a very well written blog and it reminds me of my post-SPM period. Spending almost 3 months, not to mention is the constant probing from my mum 1-2 yrs before I graduated from sec. sch, pondering on what I should study and work as in the future. Thinking back, I had wasted quite a fair bit of time on doing nothing at all.

Not that I regretted coming here to study, but if I did more research on the many many universities and colleges and courses out there, I may end up somewhere that is better off than here in terms of the education system. Ok, personally I think S'pore is a very systematic, efficient and a country with high standards. But, the society at times are a bit too enthusiastic - that is making a big fuss out of nothing at all. Take for example the sex video incident, if it's not because of the enthusiasm of the society, the poor girl probably still left with a little bit of dignity for herself in the future.

The other thing I don't really don't quite understand is the idea of "celebrity blogs". This is certainly something I don't really expect when I first came here. Being famous because you own a blog? Even to the extend that doing advertisement on the blog?

Umm, sidetracked. Ok, Back to the point. Nursing is something I definitely will choose if I were to be given a second chance and 3 years is not not not enough. But I think I will enjoy it more if the education system is not that suffocating. Come on ppl, it's tertiary education, the lecturer's supposed to spoon-fed you?

To be continue...

Psychotic taking psychology..

Today is my first paper - psychology... Summary of the paper - it sucks, Sucks, SUCKS!!!!!
There is barely enough time for me to finish writing. =( and the worst part of all I didn't get to double check my MCQ's question. Double-checking is a ritual of mine during exam. Generally, I can go through all the questions 2-3 times and convince myself that it's the correct answer to that question, IF time permits. I know it's useless coz it's over.. all I can do is cross my fingers and toes that I pass the paper. No, not pass.. at least get a B... B that's the worst I can tolerate for theory paper.. Hai~ I know it's too much to ask for looking at the effort I put in for this module..
But the problem is I am a person with too much pride that sometimes I feel like strangling myself.. Maybe I can make an exception for this semester.. So that it will motivate me to work harder next sem.. No! No! cannot! cannot! U must work harder for the rest of the papers..
Hai~ my id and superego is having a big time conflict..

I am going crazy~ get me out this hell.. someone pleaseeeeeeeee~~~

Okay, this picture above is a work of my bro.. Actually there is two version (u can visit his website for the other version) and he asked me last night which one is better, and I told him that the other is better because the girl's outfit is more prominent.. he replied "ok, I guess I will just stick with this one" and I was like =_=... He always ask me how's his work and I will always answer him "ok lar".. But this piece is really a good piece I must say.. When he first draw the first version aka the other piece I told him that the lighting is a bit weird.. and he came up with this amazing work and hence must compliment a bit.. I don't usually give compliment because later he may grow two wings and fly to the other universe.. Hohoho kidding..

Btw, I always him to draw me.. That day he told me "erm.. wait u become thinner first".. I was like wtf?! It's like a one in a million chance... Hahaha whatever..

So anybody want a portrait of themself at an affordable prices, pls contact me~ WAHAHAHA

I can, I must, I will...

After the past 2 days of being pissed, angry, frustrated and hopeless.. I finally decided that I should take all the things in my hand from now on.. I will turn around the down-slope life of mine to another peak. I can, I must, I will.... Eventhough I am almost penny-less now... =_=

Talking bout taking things into our own hands.. The other day I saw one of friend's nick in msn..
It sounds something like this : Believe in God and don't take things into ur own hands.
Note that I don't held any personal grudge against Christians/Catholics. It's just my opinion.. No hard feelings. But when I saw that verse, I was like wtf? For e.g. You wanted good grades, but you do nothing bout it ie. no extra work etc etc.. and just simply believe in God and have faith in Him... will u really get good grades in the end? This is just my illustration.. I can't think of other more suitable examples.

From today onwards, I will just one-eye-closed to wht's happening outside my room. I don't give a damn nor do I contribute to the issue going around. But of coz I will still remained as my mum's news reporter of the situation here. =)
P-A-T-I-E-N-C-E.. I am going to put this into good use.. I can, I must, I will

HAHAHAHAHA.. I am laughing once again..

To you and him:
I sincerely hope that you guys can work things out this time...
Not every couple have the opportunity to work things out over and over again...
No matter what, give it all the best u can and no regrets even it doesn't work out as you two wish..
I think that our life is too short to have regrets.. Once u come across a junction, u will have to choose between the two or more routes and stick to it.. Of course, occasionally there will be round-about... I hope that you guys have "drive" away from the round-about and turn into the other route. =) Happy "pak-toh"ing...

Sometimes I wonder how does it feels like to be in a relationships..
So much for appearing fearless in most of the aspect in my life.. But I am totally gutless in relationships.. I gave up the hope for one long long time ago.. Becoz I am afraid of being hurt, another reason contributing to why I don't trust ppl easily..

Oh, Commonwealth Games - Melbourne 2006 has started and I didn't know bout this until few days ago... =_= I missed the opening ceremoney.. heard that it's fantastic..
Anyway, I watched a women preliminary hockey match today - M'sia(2) vs. South Africa(1) and I must say that I am absolutely, positively proud to be a Malaysian... Hahaha...
Eventhough M'sia is not the top in sports, but at least more than 50% of the sportsmen/women are M'sian.. M'sian represents M'sia.. that's the spirit of inter-country Games...
Not importing some cheap and good sportsmen from other country and grant them citizenship..
That doesn't sounds right...
Analogy: Buy product brand X, peel off the label and stick your own Label..

Anak M'sia Boleh~!

You and Him

Just now I had a talk with a good friend, things turn out badly or so it seems..

Maybe I am interrupting your life, maybe I talked too much...
Advices are given, free to take or leave it... It may sounds a bit instructing,
But, sorry, that's my style..
I was trying to look at things at both side, maybe that's a wrong idea..
4 months ago, I won't give a damn of wht he said/done..
Now, I have to face it that I got a glimpse of what kind of person he is..
and truly I sympathised him for all that had happened..
Bear in mind, I didn't at all put the blame on you.. It takes two hands to clap..
Maybe it's the sympathy that made me sounds that I am not at all supporting u..
Sorry for that and everything..

Wht's been said is said.. after the story I've told u, after that incident, I never allowed myself to tangle in this kind of situation.. you may think that I am childish/coward/useless to be in this way.. That was the painful-est moment in my life eventhough it may not seems significant to u.
After that incident, I never brought up that topic again to anyone..

Whatever it is.. u r still my friend and I will always be there for you no matter what.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

My respect for her no longer exists, even if it does it's just a slim and tiny one.
Trust and respect is 2 things that I don't give out and take back easily..
I am counting on the days until I can get out of here that it's depressing...
The day I leave this place is the day I regain my sanity..
The woman thinks that we owe it to her thus gaining the right to order us around, to criticise the stuff i bought with my own money.. wtf

I detest being ordered around/criticised, hence staying in my room and only appear whenever necessary.. which is another depressing problem...

Dear Jac...

Today is 18th of March.. Exactly 20 yrs ago, you came to this world.. We led a separate childhood world's apart.. Many many years later, not knowing I would come across such a wonderful person, I joined the same sec sch as you.. hahaha~ and the rest is history...

Without u, I will be so lost...
When everyone doesn't seems to be listening, ur big ears will always be there scooping everything from my heart.
I can't bring myself to think I may lost u one day..
That's how dependent I am to ur presence...

Happy 20th Birthday, Jac~!!

SanKeng.

Distant, Distance and Destiny

One more big obstacle to sum up the whole sem - final exam, in exactly 2 weeks from now.
Once again, I am in the all-stress mode and I haven't recover from all the tests, presentations etc.. =( 2 weeks time, hopefully there is sufficient time to study..

This few days I've got a weird mood swings?feelings?whatever u named it...
I don't feel like engaging in a conversation at all.. Even if I do talk, I feel tired easily..
Then ppl will start asking me - "Mel, r u ok?" or "Melissa, why u look so stress?"
I need a break from my current environment.. It's just too much to be handle..
Not only conflict happening between friends but also at the shelter (the place I'm staying now merely it's just a shelter for me to get my basic nessicities, the shift from wht I think I used to called home in s'pore to shelter is probably due to the one damn single factor -$$money$$)

I am getting numb to all this kind of stuff.. I wish that I am in a foreign place living alone by myself or O-N-L-Y with my nuclear family + granny.. all the etc etc ppl disappear in my life within a snap of finger.. They are all testing my limits..
But however numb I am, I can't stop the sound wave from getting into my ears..

Friends, friends, friends... some of them unknowingly testing my limits too..
Constant Dilemma + ppl trying to climb all over ur head because u r too "good-hearted"..
You ripe wht you sow.. So whtever is happening today, you only got urself to blame.

It's nauseating.

Appreciation

I am tired, so tired. Today is a long day. I think I had some kind of anxiety or nervous attack this afternoon. 3pm was my first lecture/lesson of the day (Bio) but I went sch early to settle some projects. Everything started fine until the middile of the lecture when I start to have funny feelings - It's like the feeling right before something eg. presentation, interview etc. I can listen to my own heartbeat, stomach is churning in a funny way, the hand is slightly trembling and palm is cold and sweaty. This thing went on for another hour or so until I had my McSpicy Chicken meal.. Hahahaha.. I think I am hypo but can't be.. coz I had a sandwich and a cup of latte freeze right before lecture. hmm...

I am feeling awfully unhappy and stressed.
Awfully unhappy because I had lost my painted-blue-room which I've slept, eat, play in for the past 15 months to my cousin. =( After having a room to myself for more than a year, I am feeling depressed having to share a room with my bro who had his life turn upside-down - staying awake for the whole night and sleeping in the daylight. I think his pineal gland farked up. Secreting melatonin during the day time. Sigh~

Eventhough I wish to try to live by my own, I have to appreciate that my auntie take us in though she charged me a bloody $400 for it. But then again, I have to appreciate the fact that 400 bucks is cheap compared to the "market" price and considering the fact that uncle make fanstastic beef stew.

Hai~.. Life is difficult. And I am only turning 20 this year. Unless accidentally I am six feet under, I think the road ahead will be more "interesting". Hmm.. But 10 yrs down the road, I am pretty sure I will think that the now me is so foolish to think that the life now is difficult. Hahaha...

Yesterday, I told my friend that whenever he feel tired, just laugh "HA HA HA" to yourself and u will feel energetic.

HA HA HA!

I feel happier and better now.

Sighing is useless.. yes~ it's useless!

It's said that next week there is 2 tests, nursing skills theory & Research Method.. But apparently our missie here is still lazing around and haven't really get started... fark it~ I don't even know how to study for it.. Frankly, the skill's manual is soooo messy and have to ever-so-oftenly refer to the textbook..

I don't know, I really don't know.. I think I've lost the oomph~ to study that I had last year.. Nevertheless, I still study but just for the sake of passing the paper.. Heck, not just passing but hoping for the best but yet I don't feel like study.. wtf is this?


Random Pictures

This is the infamous Gin and I.. I think around a yr ago.. We look so innocent that it's ridiculous. Gin looks like she just freshly graduated from sec sch kind of girl.. hehe~ and me? I look ridiculously horrendous and funny.. The eyebrow really can change the way u look..

This is us on the last day of 2005. =)) Happy~