Obligation vs Procastination

Hence the complain that this blog has not been updated for quite some time. But really is it out of obligation or simply I'm just trying to procastinate from all the assignments? 90% goes to the latter. Heh.

Been in and out of "depression" recently. Just simply lost the shine in me. Feeling jaded.
Often caught myself wondering "what am i doing here?".
If this is what working life can do to me, I would have opt to become the mummy's girl and stick to mom for the rest of my life. But then again, do u think i'll be happy and contented without all the thrills and adrenaline kick from nursing a very sick person to arguing with a disturbly confused patient. Dilemma.. Dilemma..

Among all these, there's one thing that I've come to realise. A real good friend doesn't need to invest much time to maintain the relationship and the important sparkplug is what lies in between us. Chemistry. No matter the conflict, no matter the arguement.

Here's the recent stunt. Meet-the-mellie day as gin put it.

Time Machine

Did someone just pressed the fast forward button on the time machine?!

Went back sdk for the past one month and accompany popo during her last journey of life. Never have I regretted and am so glad that I made the right decision that day. I've thought bout a lot of stuff and indeniably perspectives changes during that period of time. For the longest time I ever remember, I cried like a baby in the toilet. The feeling of "oh, she's gone, it's over now" just wouldn't set in.
Thanks for all the concerns from all of u guys out there. It made my day better. ;)

random thoughts

Was loitering around friendster just now and came across a pri sch friend and I was like whoa! ok that's like so long time ago. When think back, there's been a lot of ups and downs throughout my childhood and teenhood but only good memories stays. Whatever fights, bickering we once had were long forgotten. As I browse thru abit more, a feeling of nostalgic dawned upon me. How all these ppl play a part in my life eventhough we no longer talking to each other. I wish I can have all of them in a room.

On a different note, I came across my lil' sis's blog and it's all in chinese! rawr!! Half guessing, half reading thru it. Roughly, she calls my mom "lao nu ren"! i was like omgwtfbbq. Where's all the manners in these kids nowadays? Things are so different nowadays there's no room for comparison coz it exist in two different dimensions. What used to be a luxury is a neccesities nowadays ie handphones. What used to be a taboo to mention in front of mom is acceptable now even doing it ie opposite sex and stuff. They'll take things for granted, way too sheltered. I guess the best way to learn is the hard way. Let them fall and feel the pain. I am sadist.

And to SW, doubt u'll be reading this but whatever, life may be bitter and miserable in the past. But life is life and we still have to live thru it no matter what, so why not make the best out of everything. Though sometimes circumstances is suboptimal but go thru the worst to cherish the best. Don't be pessimistic anymore. I promised i'll brainwash u and i'll do it. Ok lar, maybe not brainwash, influence is a better word. Life ain't rainbow and sunshine always but it's not bleak and rainy always too.

I am a weirdo!

You Are 60% Weird

You're so weird, you think you're *totally* normal. Right? But you wig out even the biggest of circus freaks!

How Weird Are You?

Name

... and now everyone know what's my full name. Perfect!

What Melissa Sinn Keng Man Means

You are confident, self assured, and capable. You are not easily intimidated. You master any and all skills easily. You don't have to work hard for what you want. You make your life out to be exactly how you want it. And you'll knock down anyone who gets in your way! You are friendly, charming, and warm. You get along with almost everyone. You work hard not to rock the boat. Your easy going attitude brings people together. At times, you can be a little flaky and irresponsible. But for the important things, you pull it together. You are relaxed, chill, and very likely to go with the flow. You are light hearted and accepting. You don't get worked up easily. Well adjusted and incredibly happy, many people wonder what your secret to life is. You tend to be pretty tightly wound. It's easy to get you excited... which can be a good or bad thing. You have a lot of enthusiasm, but it fades rather quickly. You don't stick with any one thing for very long. You have the drive to accomplish a lot in a short amount of time. Your biggest problem is making sure you finish the projects you start. You are the total package - suave, sexy, smart, and strong. You have the whole world under your spell, and you can influence almost everyone you know. You don't always resist your urges to crush the weak. Just remember, they don't have as much going for them as you do. You are usually the best at everything ... you strive for perfection. You are confident, authoritative, and aggressive. You have the classic "Type A" personality. You are very intuitive and wise. You understand the world better than most people. You also have a very active imagination. You often get carried away with your thoughts. You are prone to a little paranoia and jealousy. You sometimes go overboard in interpreting signals. You are a seeker of knowledge, and you have learned many things in your life. You are also a keeper of knowledge - meaning you don't spill secrets or spread gossip. People sometimes think you're snobby or aloof, but you're just too deep in thought to pay attention to them. You are deeply philosophical and thoughtful. You tend to analyze every aspect of your life. You are intuitive, brilliant, and quite introverted. You value your time alone. Often times, you are grumpy with other people. You don't appreciate them trying to interfere in your affairs.

What's Your Name's Hidden Meaning?

Today

Today is Geraldine's Birthday. Ok it's weird to call her by her name. Evi, more commonly known as, I bumped into her almost 2 yrs ago in an online game and became good friends ever since.
Though you may be irritating (coz always talk bout ur cutecute and whoever not) and forever indecisive but I still love ya. =x

Happy Birthday~ I wish that you'll quickly find a bf, be it ur cutecute or whoever else. Hehehe..
A 24 yrs old filled with loads of fun and booze and party. Enjoy urself babe. U dun have many 24 yrs old after all. xoxoxo, Mel.

Eternal good-bye

Why do we fall sick? Why do we die? It's difficult to even part temporarily with someone we love, what about for life? It's sad when I see patient passed away especially at young age. But the issue of suffering always come into play. Life, Love vs. Sufferings. Something to think about-Would you rather live but with all sorts of tubings all over your body as a means of life support? or pass on peacefully? Some of you may then asked, you've never given them their best shot of chances, how would you know they won't survive? You never know my dear, you'll never know. Condition changes as fast as a blink of eye. I've seen and I've experienced.

Wrote this few days ago. I'm glad I'm still able to feel the lost and sadness. I thought I am already numb to all these after working for couple of months. I remember sister once told us, when you're numb and not feeling anything when a pt passed on, it's time to stop, take a break and think of what brought us here doing this in the first place.

Love or Hate?

Mentioned only the word LOVE, the image of opposite sex came into mind. At least that's the first image. Only the later part that we realised love is family love is friends too.

Being able to love is a blessing and hate is a devil in disguise lurking behind love threatened to pounce out every now and then. The most obvious example will be loving couple end up hating each other to their guts when they broke up. Sometimes it's not the loved one that they hate. They start to hate the ppl around them, the place and maybe even the circumstances. Anything from solids to abstracts.

Coming to this topic, I'm always clueless in love and relationship. Never have the courage to attempt to love somebody after bad experiences and examples. Sometimes attraction occur and resurface every now and then, but if u asked why am i attracted to this person? I have no idea. Not attracted to certain group of ppl with certain characteristic. It's totally random. From a doc who smells of medicated oil to a full-body tattooed guy on the stage. But it never last and never turn into some crazy crush. I wish it will happen so that I can assure myself that i'm normal and not some crazee hardcore feminist. But it just never happen.

Joke of the day.

2 rest days + 2 days of sick leave = 4 days of rotting at home. Okay maybe 3 days coz I went to the beach the morning after my 2nd night muahaha u say i'm crazieee i say it's fun. Coz after I reached home that day I slept and slept and slept like grade 4 encephalopathy pupils both 5mm fixed and dilated. Sorry for my jargons, i'll explain later. Anyway, thanks to my Gin babe I am peeling on my face that I almost feel like i'm a whole new person again plus I'm itching all over my back. Hehs and my lady here is sick hence the 2 days of mc. Caught a bad flu, severe nose-block till my head gonna explode. Thanks to Vapex that i managed to dig somewhere, I am able to breathe again. I am clinging to that small glass bottle of dear thing and sniffing it like a drug-addict. *Snifffffff* Ahh.. fresh air~

It's back to work again tmr. I've already decided how should I go bout with my career. If they are not sending me for the course this Jul/Aug, I probably gonna work till end of this year or till the enrolment for degree in Sydney. If I am going for the course which will last for 6 mths I think, then i'll finish it up and still make it on time for the degree '09. I've never thot of what to do if i can't make it on time for enrolment though. =(

Jac showed me some girl's blog to me just now. Someone back from Sdk. The blog needless to say is entertaining. Oh well, it's just like any other girl's blog yakking bout what she did for that day evidenced by a tremendous amount of pictures which showed many different places and food with many different pose but yet expression is still the same-eyes big big, face at certain angle etc etc. What's so entertaining is her vocab. hahahahaha some classic examples - anal retentive and who the hell use inquire instead of ask. It's 4 alphabets more to type and hahahah plain funny. Ok lar If u happen to be reading this, which I highly doubt so, I am so sorry coz I didn't mean to make a joke out of ur manner of vocabular-ing. Coz coz coz I speak singrish mah cannot speak engrish like u which is so rich in vocab. U see ar my range of words is so limited so pleasee do not be offended.

Working in an almost >90% female environment has turned me into a fine bitch.

Compilation of panaroma shots i've taken so far. I lost the one I took in the beach that day damnit.


:: Before going to lala-land during one of my night ::


:: My messy room. Tralala ::


:: While waiting for freaking slow tram in Sentosa::


:: Dragonfly-a place where u can mingle with uncles and
listen to canto-mando live band ::


:: Above pic taken by bro during his trip to Japan Tokyo?
Akihabara? Akutaktau? ::


:: One of the rare moment of emptiness in the train around
city area ::

Last of all, deng deng deng


I swear I am not going to post anymore pics on my blog unless someone teach me a fast and easier way to do it. Freaking time consuming, can?

and so I'm back

Yeah yeah yeah.. I know it has been quite some time since my last entry. Can't be bother to sit down and blog nowadays except u know when I'm on night shift. The advantage of working in the icu is that they have comps at every bedside with internet connections.. muahahahaha..
Anyhow, just so not for the sake of blogging, i shall yak bout something.

I was browsing facebook just now and I saw some birthday wishing posts on Jac's funwall. I was like shit!! it's already 19th going to 20th today.. it's her birthday on 18th.. omg omg what am I gonna do? So I was thinking maybe I can write her an email or something and come up with some lameass excuses. Then, I msned Manyee and told her bout my situation. As I was about to start writing the email, I suddenly remember that she told me she had a birthday dinner with all her friends etc and I was thinking how can i actually forgot that it's her birthday? Deng deng deng.. It dropped on me like how the Atom bomb dropped on Hiroshima - Her birthday falls on 18th of MARCH and it's already APRIL now.. goddamnit. It's so awfully embarassing.
Actually I can't believe it's already april. This time last year, I think I am doing my prcp. Urgh, I can't believe I've started working for close to a year now. I don't feel that long. gosh.

Irony of life

.. And so time is creeping away silently. It's going into second quarter of 2008. What never cease to amaze is that how time can pass so quickly when u r busy working and how it creep by slowly when u've got nothing to do. But actually it's just our own perception. No matter what is it one day there's still 24 hours and it ticks by seconds.

Deadly routined life. Blame it on money. If only I have all the money in the world. Then I can stop working and start travelling around the world. But then again, i'll get bored after so much travelling so it's back to square one. Life is such an irony, ain't it? One will never be satisfied with one's current situation and hope and dream of another way of living. But if we were to be satisfied with the current situation, I guess that's when all hell break loose. U'll remain idle and stop dreaming and hoping.

It's a blessing in disguise to be not satisfied. But not overly of coz.

Back to Work =)

It's back to work again after the break. Was on night shift on the first 2 days. Well, it's always a challenge to work on night shift, beside the longer hours still have to withstand the sleepiness and freezing aircon in the ward. The first night was.. let's just say an emotional trauma. First, I am afraid, afraid that he'll become worst coz of something I did or didn't do. Then, never before during 7 months I felt damn sad looking at this patients. So sad that I wonder why did i come to this place in the first place. =(

2 weeks of dream

Tralala It's already Feb '08. Time really flies. 24 hours a day really ain't enough, but sometimes I just let time passes by.

Went back sdk for 2 weeks to celebrate cny with family and friends. Plenty of food, gamble and catching up. Everyone pretty much still the same, though i can see some subtle changes. When I was sitting there talking to my sch mates, the feeling is like we just met a few weeks ago for cny. But the fact it's already a year in between. As we grow up, priorities changes. Our decision, our life revolves around our priorities. To sum it up, the 2 weeks there feels like a dream.

Only when i came back here then i realised there's so many long-term possibilities to be ponder upon. I am really lost in so many choices.

CNY 2007

CNY 2008

Escaping from reality

Illness and Death, something that many will think nurses come across in day-to-day work life. Hmm.. illness maybe but death not really. Last night I totally lost it. I don't know what to do, what to prepare, what's the chain of events after the patient pass away. What's worst was came a newbie MO who knows shit bout all the paper work. I have to keep going back to my seniors.
But deep down I realised all the paper work is not that urgent to be completed. It's just that I choose to avoid the griefing relatives. I can't bring myself to comfort them, I don't know what to tell them. I choose to escape by engaging myself in doing all the paper work. Merely because I don't know how to react emotionally towards this kind of situation. Being emphatatic is something big to learn.

I am beyond thankful that I have a group of supportive and nice and kind colleague.
Love u all deep deep~

Good ol' days

A sudden burst of nostalgia burst in me when I was talking to Mean last night.
Oh my, I miss the good ol' student days. Can't believe it's only almost 6 months since last step into nyp, it felt like years.

Found this pic when browsing Lynn's friendster. tsk tsk tsk.

Look at Sok Hiang. My my my.. I am so dead when she sees this.. Hahaha